Sharing a life and living quarters with the one you love means experiencing moments that are more often than not less than perfect. I’ve found (in my very unscientific research) that couples are often reluctant to tell you the entire truth–that relationships are hairy and that they can turn ugly on a moment’s notice.
I don’t believe in brushing things under the rug which is why I’ll be the first to call a girlfriend when things go south and I need an ear, a shoulder, or an accomplice (you do know I’m just kidding abut that last part, right?). Dialogue is the gateway to happiness and understanding. You don’t just go from honeymoon phase to happy marriage without a few hiccups and bumps. And how you navigate those rough terrains says everything about compatibility and longevity.
In a recent and brutally honest conversation with Bryan, I explained that if he were to propose tomorrow, I would have to say no. At this given moment, there are way too many aspects in our relationship that need to be ironed out first. It was a revelation that seemed to shock us both. It was the first time I openly acknowledged that I wouldn’t settle for anything shy of hard work and dedication and that maybe it was time to bring out the big guns to see us through. More importantly, I have realized that our strength as a couple means more than a flashy engagement ring.
There are no shortcuts to a happy marriage and I am okay with taking the scenic route if it means sustained happiness in the end. He didn’t protest. He seemed to understand that maybe things are bigger than both of us right now and he agreed to do whatever it took to get us on course again. But it’s not just him. I have my own hang-ups and demons that I have to contend with, and now is the time to focus on working through some of those issues myself.
In no uncertain terms will I accept complacency in this–or any–partnership. The thought of leaving Bryan pains me to the core. It is, in short, unimaginable, because of what we have both invested and because the love between us has never faltered. There is no reason to stop trying. And at the end of our discussion, we agreed THIS is worth the blood and the sweat and the tears. You don’t just walk away from a good thing…. You work together, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health.
“We need to talk” are four of the scariest words you can ever say to your loved one. But how you choose to fill the space after those words have been uttered will make all the difference in your relationship.
I said no, the first time Andy asked me. It doesn’t sound very romantic but it was from a position of love and was definitely the right answer! And we’ve been married nearly six years now 🙂
OH so very true – my partner and I aren’t rushing into the whole marriage thing because we are getting glitches out of the way beforehand so we’re better prepared for the long haul. It’s not an easy decision to make and we like to ensure we have all the information we need, we don’t need to have all our ducks in a row just be sure you want to align your ducks with the other persons ducks. I don’t align my ducks with just anyone but this ones a keeper so yes it’s worth every argument and every resolution and every effort. 😉 Happy Friday Eve Charlotte!! -Iva
Charlotte, this is so well written and so smart! The hard times you go through with a relationship make them not only better but unbreakable! Anything worth having is always worth the effort!
This must be going around lately. Good for you for standing up for what you believe is best for you individually and you as a couple.
—Charlotte, I got married after only 6 months to Mr. L. And let me tell you, being married is HARD damn work. I love the “Can we Talk?” We say this to one another often & when we do, the relationship is always a bit sweeter.
Great Post! xx
I love that you are so open and honest! You need to be truthful and honest in any relationship. It is the only way to have a successful relationship. It took me a long time to figure that out. I am so happy that you both understand this now. 🙂
A relationship, marriage – they’re verbs. They need to be worked on every single day. It’s a daily conscious decision.
It sounds to me that you’ve got it right, my friend.
I completely agree. Those words are scary, but so important!
I think it’s wonderful that you can be so honest with yourself and with him. You are pretty self aware and that’s not as common as one would think
At least you are honest. So many just dive right in.
wow, i think it’s so brave and courageous to be truly honest. i’m really blown away with how introspective you are in moving forward with your relationship. you will get so much out of it.
I am so proud of you. The key to a relationship, no matter how awkward or scary, is communication. How can you spend all of your days living with things hidden behind doors. We should be able to talk freely with our significant others…like Shawn getting a hemorrhoid…see I can talk about that here but if I put that on my blog he’d kill me.
Thinking with your head and not with your heart are the smartest decisions you can make. It’s hard to separate what feels right from what is right and sometime we have to make decisions that hurt. But when the person we are with can do the same, great decisions can come from it. We can work through the painful parts and come through the other end stronger together.
{Melinda} This is great. So many give us on potentially great relationships because they aren’t willing to do the hard work of communication and setting high standards.
I’m a big believer in getting things out in the open, in talking about the issues that come up and not just keeping them to yourself–nothing gets solved that way! Though, of course, I also believe that its impossible to solve everything pre-marriage. Issues will come up throughout life and if you are married, you have to decide to face them together with your spouse.
Communication is very important for any relationship. When you can talk about anything and everything with your partner, your relationship will always be stronger and worth trusting. This article is really good. Thanks for sharing.