First and foremost: I would like to extend a very special THANK YOU to an awesome blogger who has randomly chosen me to be a winner in her apron giveaway. I never win anything so this was extremely exciting news for me (and what a great way to start off the week!). Please go check out an amazing blogger and see my new apron at Fumbling Towards Normalcy. Thanks, Shana!
So I want to explain my last post… not necessarily because I feel the need to justify my actions (or words, as the case may be), but because I received a comment from the Empress herself from Good Day, Regular People that made me stop in my tracks. She asked me if I want to be someone who can have sex without expectations and what I was hoping to come from this beautiful (yet scandalous) liaison I have going on with Cody. Alexandra happens to be another favorite of mine so when she asks me something like this, I take it very seriously.
I have spent the past few days trying to make sense of what it is I’m looking for at this stage in my life. And in all honesty: I’m really not entirely sure. I know I don’t want another relationship. I just want to have a bit of fun. But I would love a snuggle partner on a cold and rainy day or someone to call when I’m feeling particularly horny. Can I have sex without hoping it will develop into something else? I think what I really want is the best of both worlds.
I want a fake boyfriend.
I’m at that stage and age in life when the couples around me are getting engaged, married, or popping out kids with dizzying frequency. I spend much of my time clutching registries and trying to flag down sales people at Crate and Barrel or Buy Buy Baby. I’m not complaining; this is just a fact of life. Those life-changing events are just not in the cards for me at the moment and, for once, they’re not the focal point any longer. I’m happy being single. I love giving the sex eyes and flirting. I love that I can have sex with a stranger and wake up without feeling guilty in the morning. I love this freedom and I refuse to let societal pressures get the best of me.
So I will smile and nod and genuinely share in your enthusiasm when I hear news that you’re engaged, and I won’t silently stew about the fact that I have not yet joined this exclusive club. The next time I’m at a wedding, I won’t get up for the bouquet toss. I will politely cut my mom off when she tells me it’s not that important to get married, but that I should really think about having children.
But I would like someone to sleep in with on a Saturday and I would like to bring a “plus one” that isn’t a close friend or family member to the engagement parties and weddings I have marked on the calendar.
I’m not entirely sure that I’ve answered Alexandra’s questions, but I came as close as I could. Fake boyfriend is where it’s at for me. And at the moment, Cody fits that bill. He’s still shady with the texts and never picks up the phone to call, but I’m not beating down his door either. My options are open and my eyes will still wander.
Dang – I really wanted that apron! ha ha Congrats on your win!
And as long as the casual fun is mutually agreed upon between two single consenting adults – what’s the harm?!
You are in a perfectly awesome place, it’s a place where I myself have recently decided it’s okay to be. You are having your adventure and I think it’s amazing 🙂
.-= Bonda84´s last blog ..Fixer Uppers =-.
You are brave to address this up front like this. I really hope you understand that I was NOT judging or condemning or anything evil like that.
I was trying to read between the lines, to see if this phase of your life is making you happy now, and giving you what you need.
Why do I care? Because I’ve come to care about you. And wanted to see where you were on this journey. And if this suits your phase in life, now that is so good, and fine, and right.
And I would never judge, I only try to understand if you are questioning where you are now.
But it looks and sounds like you exactly do know where you are, and what you need. Because you feel happy and right at the moment.
Which is what I would wish for a kind, compassionate person like you.
xo
.-= Alexandra´s last blog ..Life Without Pink =-.
I think that works when that’s truly what you both want. When I wanted something bigger and greater and more important than someone to spend time with when boredom set in, and all FK wanted was someone to call when there were no games on, it hurt me. I felt unimportant and like I’d wasted the time I spent with him. When I said I wanted to split up, he didn’t care and he didn’t fight. Why would he? I was nothing to him.
If you BOTH go into it wanting that and agree to go your separate ways when things change it could work. I dno’t know, though. We women are funny, emotional wily creatures. I can’t imagine being able to stop my mind from wandering and my body from getting familiar and my heart from beating.
Are you being fair and true and honest with yourself? Not challenging at all! Just asking to stir the pot! 🙂
i think that’s awesome! i think we go through all sorts of phases and need all sorts of different things at different points in our life. you just got out of a long-term, serious relationship, right? and you’re still so young. so why not have a little fun in your life right now?! enjoy it. and when the time comes that you want something different in your life, then enjoy whatever that may be at that time. i don’t think anyone needs to get married or have kids. i was certainly against marriage (we did a domestic partnership) and i never ever want kids. a lot of people in our society don’t understand and i get many sad eyes from people when i share these things about me. but really, we’re all different and we all need different things to make us happy. i say stay strong in whatever you need to do!
right on….. stranger booty …go get it!
I think you are in a great place. As long as you are happy and this works for you, go for it. Just make sure to be honest with yourself and stop it the second it stops working.
.-= Shana´s last blog ..About me… =-.
I’m pleased for you that you’re happy – who cares what “society” might think?!
.-= Rachel Cotterill´s last blog ..Make Your Own Mincemeat =-.
Well, I say if a fake boyfriend is what you want, then a fake boyfriend is what you should seek! Go for it!
.-= liz´s last blog ..Becoming Mom Sexy and an Exercise in Keyword Spam =-.
Lucky girl – I have never, ever won a blog giveaway, even though I feel like I enter a million of them! As for this stage in your life – I think it’s awesome that you’re stepping back to consider what it is you want and that you are trying to be honest with yourself. It seems like it’s so easy to get caught up in whatever whirlwind adventure is taking place, without stopping to consider it’s affect on us – good or bad. I know this happens to me in all sorts of things, relationships included. Honesty with yourself is the best possible policy 🙂
I also read Water for Elephants and LOVED it. Such a great story. I still haven’t read Eat Pray Love (wow, am i behind on the bandwagon or what??), so I should probably tackle that before Committed. Thanks so much for your sweet comments and book suggestions!
After reading your last post, I think you should go for it (fake boyfriend). Just be careful not to get emotionally attached. Have a good time! Life is really too short to make yourself feel sad. I promise you, the right person will come. He always does! in the meantime, just enjoy life … Don’t rush!
xo
I tried to not get up for the bouquet toss at the wedding I went to on the 10th. My friends had the DJ call me up. Is it so hard to get that I don’t want my singledom shoved in my face and not because I’m unhappy but because I don’t care about getting married right now and have no desire to catch a bunch of flowers that will then lead to talk about when do you want to settle down. I’m there to celebrate the bride and groom and get drunk damnit!
Rant over. I have another wedding, in Jersey actually, 2 weeks from today and I know if I don’t get up people will notice. I plan to stand in the back. Then maybe make out with a groomsmen later in the night. That’s how I do.
Good for you for addressing the question so publicly, and it’s ok to not know exactly. Life’s about working it all out.
.-= Hutch´s last blog ..Giveaway Time!! =-.
I love you! This is great. I support everything you say here and I may not do the exact same but I will never knock it. Women should be allowed to make the same decisions as men when it comes to their sex/love lives. It’s called “doing you”! Do you, girl.
.-= trininista´s last blog ..Luxurious Living =-.
Is it sad that I’m ready for all the weddings and baby showers to stop? It seems to be happening so much and it’s tiring!
And yay to you for winning Shana’s giveaway!
You gotta do what is right for you….I am a firm believer in that! I think that our needs tends to shift and this is what you need right now. It will all be good:)
.-= ZippyChix´s last blog ..The Rent is Too Damn High!! =-.
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog 🙂
You’re an adult. If you want to have casual sex, go for it! You should enjoy your freedom and the fact you’re a healthy woman. Plus, I am sure all us married prudes will love reading about it 🙂
.-= Ashlee´s last blog ..Sunday Citar- A poem is =-.
Cody has still not picked up the phone??? Def keep your options open and eyes wandering.
.-= carma´s last blog ..500 Worth of Makeup That’s Crazy! =-.
Reading this makes me feel like I’ve been married for 100 years!
.-= Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last blog ..From now on I shall wear a dress to Wal-mart =-.
Joey, I was thinking the same thing! When I think back to my single days, it seems like so long ago. It is such a fun time, enjoy it and make the most of it. And if you’re not ready to move forward then don’t do it! It sounds like you’re right where you need to be.
Ah, the fake boyfriend. I’m married and I would still like one. Because fake boyfriends? Always know exactly what to say….and only need to be there when I feel like it. Because they are fake.
.-= KLZ´s last blog ..Word Up- Yo! 20 =-.
Congrats on your win!
It sounds like you are exactly where you need to be right now and that’s all that matters. What other people are doing should never affect you. And your mom sounds just like my mom did before I got married. 🙂
Great post! You sound like the new Carrie ‘SATC II” — and wow it took me back to read it. Now happily married 19 yrs I vividly remember the days of dates and exciting sex and whether or not he calls back…enjoy the fake BF – HE”LL never let you down, and your intelligence will ensure he’ll be good to you. You sound like you’re in a good place, and as for C– he’s toying with you, just be sure you play back and keep your guard up…
I noticed someone discussing ‘eat pray love’ — that book was a whine-fest. The author didn’t seem to learn anything or else what she learned she threw out the window as soon as she met her BF and now husband. I was greatly disappointed, as one who has had real difficulties…I kept thinking that if divorce threw her so badly she’d be a basket-case with a major illness or problem…I have hopes for the movie if only to see the yummy Bardim!
.-= Amy Gray Light´s last blog ..Gray Matter =-.
Hey, I’m all for you living life on your terms. I just say be careful of making sure you really aren’t more into Cody than he’s into you. I only say that from my own experience centuries ago. I’d think I could handle keeping things casual and would wind up getting attached to the guy and getting hurt. Buy hey, that’s me, not you. You go on and enjoy yourself.
And I totally know what you mean when it seems like every time you turn around someone’s getting married or pregnant. I waited much longer than my friends to have a kid and when my “fun friend/partner in crime'” told me she was pregnant I got a migraine and had a panic attack that not even retail therapy could cure. Hubs was itching to have a kid and I was dreading telling him that yet another one of my friends was procreating.
You live life by your schedule. 🙂
SaucyB’s last blog: The Kindness of Strangers
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Hey, if a fake boyfriend works then go for it! It honestly sounds amazing to have someone like that with no strings attached.
And I’m with you..I don’t get up for bouquet tosses either. Do I really need to have people feeling sorry for me? I don’t feel sorry for me. Why should I allow others to think I just can’t reel in a man? Haha. We’re just not ready for that yet, eh?
.-= kat´s last blog ..its nice to be back =-.