Just before I left for Ireland, I had a lot of deep thoughts. Not like, which rain jacket should I take with me, and how can we see the most sheep in one day… I mean the kinds of thoughts that used to keep me up at night with worry and anxiety.
Am I where I need to be in life? Will I ever feel ready for a baby? Is Bryan my soul mate?
Such thoughts were often exacerbated by the chats I had with my girlfriends. In the weeks leading up to my vacation, I had some eyebrow-raising conversations that made me want to jump out of a window. Like well-intentioned friend #1 who insisted that “he’s totally going to propose.”
Let’s call her Adeline to protect anonymity and for the sake of this post. Adeline has been with me through thick and thin and has seen me on my best and worst days. She has held my hair in bathrooms and has seen me weep big, fat, ugly tears. I love her dearly. But I was taken aback by her comment because this was not the first time she had said these word to me–she had made the very same prediction when I was getting ready for a vacation with an ex years ago.
I came back from that vacation unengaged, too.
I want to say this to get it off my chest. I don’t take vacations in the hope that I am swept up in a never-ending honeymoon filled with chocolate covered kisses and Broadway musical street-singing. I fucking love to travel. That’s really all there is to it. And finding a partner I can travel and enjoy life’s every hiccup and roller coaster with is far more interesting and important to me than getting said partner to put a ring on it.
One piece of advice I appreciated above all else came in the form of an email from a blogger friend I am blessed to have in my life. “Give yourself room for at least one argument on every vacation–it’s totally normal.” Thank you, Tina. If you’ve met Bryan and I, you know that we fight, we bicker, we make up, we love. I didn’t want to think of this vacation as the highest romance of my life, because that reaches a level of expectation that is rarely ever achieved. Ireland brought us together in an entirely new and exciting way and has made our relationship stronger than it was before.
So while I appreciate the well-intentioned proposal predictions from friends, I think they do a world of disservice. I’m happy where I am now and don’t need to speed things along for anyone else’s sake.
This:
is infinitely more important to me right now than this:
While I’d love to one day start that next phase of my life with Bryan, we’ll get there when we get there. In the meantime, we have some more vacations to plan.
Vacations are meant to be enjoyed, not stressed over with expectations. Your friend Tina is wise about expecting some disagreements and frustrations stemming from travel fatigue. But also look forward to exploring a gorgeous country together with the one you love! Have a great time! 🙂
unsolicited advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt. I do like how you gave her the name of Adeline though – as opposed to the typical bland ones like John or Sue 😉
I love this. Keep it simple. Live it. Enjoy it. Don’t rush it, push it, try to shape it. Let it be what it is, at home every day and during special trips/vacations. Just… BE. That’s always suited you, and there’s no reason it shouldn’t be your approach now. xoxox
I’m planning a trip with E to Europe for NEXT September and friends are already dropping bets on it happening then. Don’t. Just stop. Can’t the excitement of travel be enough? There doesn’t need to be any more than that!
Is it weird that I never for one second thought he’d propose? I see you two getting married one day (which is weird because we’ve never met, but I really feel strongly about it) but I see the proposal happening in a more simple way.
And you so know how I feel about vacays. I tend to pick fights easily so inevitably I’m going to at least get snippy with Izzy at some point when we’re supposed to be relaxing and enjoying. It’s just how I am, way too tightly wound. Lucky for me, Iz is way more calm so typically I fizzle fast. But fights are going to happen – it’s part of being in a long term relationship. You wouldn’t fight if you didn’t care.
Kudos to you for just being happy with the things you have. I think a lot of women (and maybe men too) tend to want to get everything RIGHT AWAY. “OMG we’re dating, now we need to be engaged. OMG we’re engaged we need to get married.” OMG we’re married, time for babies. OMG we need a house, OMG we need a yearly vacation.” It’s so much. And I think a lot of it is because it’s kind of the way society is. But you have to be happy with your relationship, no matter what form it comes with. So again, kudos for just being for you two and caring more about the NOW.
And I’m done with my rant. Hopefully this all makes sense, my emotions are a bit frazzled right now lol.
Travel for travel’s sake is something I totally understand. “Trip of a lifetime” is one of the phrases that catches me out… hang on, why can’t I do this more than once in my life, if it turns out I totally love it?! Also, when we cycled round Iceland, everyone wanted to know why we weren’t getting sponsored…. I think the upshot of this is that people are odd, and we don’t have to conform to one another’s expectations of life, thank goodness 😉
God I hate the proposal pressure! Can’t two people just go on a trip and have fun? It’s like the baby pressure people throw at newlyweds, or setting the date once engaged. Can’t they just enjoy each phase? the unsolicited advice and well wishing will continue I’m afraid. I’m already getting pressure from well meaning folk to plan our next baby. Let us enjoy the moments we are in!! I do hope you get to that next phase with Bryan, but I’m glad you are loving in the moment, not forever looking forward.
I love that you are at peace with where you are in your life! So many women are discontented with our spot in life, and we yearn to get out of it, only to (usually) be disappointed by that spot as well! I’m glad you’re soaking up this wonderful and blessed time in your life 🙂 Congrats! Have a blast!
I’m just thinking, OHMIGOSH IRELAND! I’m just visiting for the first time from SITS, so I don’t know your whole story or how long you’ve been with your boyfriend. But one thing I do know after being married for 15 years, you’ll know when you know. Nice post!
Oh yeah, going into a vacation with expectations for a proposal will just kill all the joy of the vacation if he doesn’t actually propose. Just have fun! I’m jealous!! 🙂
Stopping by from SITS.
Oh..sweet pea…keep traveling! Too many people are in love with the concept of love, and WAY to many women think that getting married is the end all and be all. Not so. I’m a firm believer that things work out the way their supposed to – you can’t force a size 7 foot into a size 5 shoe and hope it will be comfortable. Marriage is the same way. If it’s really meant to happen it will – and it will fit you perfectly.
Thank you for a great post. With any luck it will give better perspective to those who think marriage makes the woman.
Love this! So many women focus too much on the ring and not enough on living in and enjoying the moment with their S.O.s and by themselves. Travel is awesome, enjoy it 🙂