I feel guilty for a lot of things most people would probably not think twice about. Maybe I didn’t hold the door as long as I should have and then I curse myself for allowing NYC to rub off on me. In my rush to get to work, I have been known to brush past people who stand and stare a moment longer than I can handle and I spend a large portion of my morning feeling bad about my actions. Sometimes I get an email from someone looking to advertise on my blog but I can’t justify inclusion because I have a clear purpose for my corner of the web and I notice a conflict. And I feel guilty again.
Several months ago, I met up with an Irish guy from OKCupid and we drank coffee from a Starbucks in Union Square. I had reservations before the date. I wasn’t particularly in the mood to meet anyone at the time and there was something about his profile that raised a red flag. He only had few pictures up: one of him with a fake facial tattoo; the other showed him sporting a fake mustache. He was wordy and a bit pretentious, but his email seemed friendly enough and it was clear we had at least a few things in common, most noticeably our love of writing.
What the hell, I thought. It’s just a coffee date. And on a bright and sunny Autumn evening we sipped our hot beverages and discussed life and love and writing and books.
It was enjoyable but the spark just wasn’t there for me and so I spilled my hidden secret–one I always kept hidden from anyone I met online. I told him about my blog (though thankfully I had the sense not to reveal the URL). His eyes lit up and he told me about a book he had written about dating. He kindly asked if I would write up a review and I reluctantly told him I would check it out if he wanted to send me a copy.
Then I went to Paris, Bennington, and Newport and met someone who made my heart flutter.
I had forgotten about him until he text messaged me out of the blue and asked if I could still review his book. I sent him my work address and the book arrived a few days later.
I sat down one day a few weeks ago and my heart sank. It was the most misogynistic book I had ever read (published anonymously, mind you) about how he liked to hurt girls mentally, and once, physically. He described the thrill of stealing souls and compared himself to a serial killer who felt no remorse for the people he killed.
I read on and tried to convince myself this book was his way of apologizing to all those poor unsuspecting women whose hearts he had broken. Twenty pages in and the assaults continued. He described the night he made a girl cry and how he had a beer thrown at him. At the 50-page mark he detailed the ones who were bad in the sack. I made it to page 75 and the time he moved to the Midwest and developed a love affair with his right hand. I cringed when he discussed the short story he had written about how his left hand became jealous.
Then I put the book down and sent him a text message. I would not be reviewing the book for my blog.
I had enough and refused to feel guilty.
Fucking creep. And to think I almost indulged him in a second date.
Wow that sounds very awful. What kind of a twisted masochistic fantasy is that.
I remember once I was in a relationship with someone who had gone to counselling for treating women in a similar way, including myself. When we broke up I was going through his things to throw out and found his “diary” that he would bring to the sessions (this diary was before we had even met) and he had written things like : “I use women to my advantage and for my own self pleasure and manipulate them.” I felt sick to my stomach when I read it, not that I didn’t know but seeing it on paper somehow made it more …real.
Great blog, we write a similar one about dating in Toronto, Canada.
brookeandmckenzie.wordpress.com
Brooke and Mckenzie
That is disgusting. The time will never be right for a book like his.
Holy CRAP!!!!!!!!! This gave me shivers. At least you weren’t one of the women in the pages of his so called “book.” What a complete freak. I just feel nauseous.
What a jerk!
That is just freaking sick. Thank goodness he hasn’t been the stalker type. He probably appeared so normal, too. That’s the scary part. Ugh.
Ewww, how creepy. So glad you got away from him quickly. It’s always freaky to think there are people out there like that.
Whoa. Just whoa. I’m glad you didn’t tell him what your URL was. It’s sad that those people are out there, and think that others will be in to what they do.
Holy crap! I’m actually kind of glad this came up so that you saw what a major creep he was. **shivers** I’m such an unsuspecting personality that this would shock me to the core. Glad he’s out of your life! xo
Holy shi(i)t(ake) mushrooms! I mean…wow. Just ewwww. And disgusting! And freaky and terrifying and all kinds of f–ked up! ::shudder::
Ew ew ew!! Do you think he felt some creepy thrill in you reading all about his creepiness? What an icky guy.
What an uber creepy creepo! So glad you didn’t go out with him again! You might have ended up in the sequel!
Ugh! What a narrow miss! Scary.
Have a happy Thanksgiving!
EWW! Oy! Seriously??? I can’t believe you read that much!
I think what struck me most about this post is the way you ignored your “gut”. That red flag that went up when you read his profile, saw the fake photos, etc. was your intuition telling you “don’t do it”. Plus you weren’t that interested in him to begin with. Then the book thing. I hope you get to a place when you trust your heart/mind/gut to tell you what to do.
-The Spinsterlicious Life
Oh.my. That is bizarre and disgusting beyond words. Not only is he messed up to treat people that way AND admit he enjoys doing so, but to write a book about it??
Oh gross gross gross – how did you wash your mind after reading that garbage? So glad you listened toyour inner voice and didn’t give him that second chance… or your URL or home address. What a scary creep.
p.s. forgot – visiting from SITS comment section!
Wow. What a piece of work this guy is. I wonder who pissed on his cheerios so many years ago. That book is more than a cry for help!!
Brilliant piece, as always. =)
OMG…freaky and scary…
Good for you for drawing the line. Very telling on your initial gut reaction…. Keep that in mind!
Happy Turkey Day! 🙂
-Leaza in Denver
I. cannot. even.
Ewww, eww, ewww, ewww. Oh dear.
Seriously, be careful out there, Charlotte.
what a nutjob. Glad you did not reveal your blog URL. Hope you are having a happy thanksgiving 🙂
I hope you had a fabulous Thanksgivng!
Um, wow. Terrifying! So glad he didn’t somehow end up with your blog address… or your home address, eek! Actually it sounds a lot like one of my exes… a bullet I’m glad I dodged!
P.S. – Thanks for stopping by on my SITS Day! I’m your newest follower 🙂
Wow. That is scary. He must have been really traumatised as a child. Lucky for you – NOT YOUR PROBLEM. I am sorry for the girl he meets next though.
*Shivers*
Oh. My. God. People are crazy. I’m glad you didn’t give this jerk a second date.
Whoa. That is super creepy. They’re are some seriously odd birds out there and it’s a little reminder that as much as we’d like to, we can’t trust everyone. Thankfully life intervened and you didn’t see him again! I find it even more creepy that he was adamant about you reading that trash. What a wacko.
I once dated a sociopath and only found out the extent of his illness after he was out of my life. I thank gob that I moved on. In retrospect, all the signs were there, I just was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
PS: I have the guilt gene too. I think it’s part of being sensitive to others and can be seen as a good thing but I understand what a burden it is too. Ridiculous to feel guilty over certain things.
Wow! I seriously think I exchanged a few messages with this creep myself!! So glad it didn’t go any further and hope he’s lost your #