“Unfortunately I just don’t have the bandwidth to please everybody.” A dear blog friend emailed me the other day to express feelings of overwhelm–and also frustration that friends in her life couldn’t understand that due to some personal issues, she simply wasn’t able to connect with them in the way she would have liked.
I think we can all relate.
I’ve always given my all when it comes to friendships. My girls (and closest guy friends) can attest to the fact that my door is always open and that I’m never more than a phone call away. I think it’s also healthy, however, to say no sometimes when it comes to personal wellbeing. Often that simple two-letter word liberates us from feelings of guilt, remorse, and sorrow so that we can shift focus to our own inner peace.
In the past few weeks alone I’ve heard one friend lament the many missed outings to tend to her family, while another has expressed feelings of inadequacy because she was busy rekindling a romance and (regrettably) allowing friendships to fall by the wayside. Whether it’s FOMO or fear of not being able to please everybody, one thing remains clear—we have to be more forgiving of ourselves. We can’t possibly give our all in a friendship (or our relationship, for that matter) unless we’ve had the chance to tend to our own needs first. Doing so is honorable and healthy, and yet public perception often makes us feel that this is a selfish act.
This could not be further from the truth.
I hold this truth to be sacred when it comes to friendships: the quality of my relationships matters more than the number of people at a social gathering. I’d rather fully invest in the ones who understand that though life sometimes gets in the way, no passage of time could ever alter our friendship. I want to be there for friends who understand that though the road may be bumpy and we got off course and we followed too many forks, we all still show up when—and where—it matters most. And, perhaps more importantly, we are our best selves when we do.
Life often gets in the way and can be used as an excuse, but I think its important to make time for those dear to us. Not to let relationships go…. sometimes easier said than done 😉
Charlotte, I couldn’t have said it better! I absolutely agree! Life can be hard and sometimes it takes all of us and doesn’t leave space for friends. A true friend will understand, step aside and wait till you have the time to connect again. I have lost many “friends” during a time I was infested by pain and wasn’t able to focus on anything else. I had to cancel gatherings due to my being unable to get social. It was hard to accept that some people only want to be your friend when you are fun to be with, but I have learned to live with it and let go of people who feel that way. They are simply a waste of my time.
A really great post! Thank you!
Hugs xxx
You’re right, life can get crazy busy and it can affect our friendships sometimes. Learning to say no to certain things and prioritize what is important is really helpful to keep relationships alive and thriving!
This is so beautifully written and so insightful! I full-heartedly agree! I also have friendships where we go a long long time without seeing each other (moving to different states can do that to friends), but when they come home it’s like they never left because you still invest in them after you take care of yourself.
You’re right. We’re stronger and better friends when we take care of ourselves and that often means turning down social engagements. We have finite time and energy, so we should expend it carefully and never feel guilty about our choices.
Yes this. Life can be really hard to maintain friendships but the ones that matter will survive it 🙂
Absolutely! Great post! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
So true! I saw a post on Instagram today about 4 quarters being better than 100 pennies. I think friendships are like that.
I remember a friend once said to me “you have to fill your own well full of water first before you can help anyone fill theirs” — I often think about that when I’m feeling stretched thin.
Yes, I absolutely agree with you! You need to look after yourself before you can be there for someone else, it’s not selfish, its sensible x
Very well said my dear. You took the words out of my mouth. And that quote is epically accurate.
xoxo
I totally agree with you – the quality of my relationships as I’ve gotten older is what matters to me the most. If that’s a few vs. many I’m fine with that. 🙂 Thanks for hopping over to my dog blog! Nice to meet you!
Quality over quantity for me, but I do find I connect with a lot of people. It’s funny how when we move on or to a new place, or out of a school, job, etc., you keep a handful of friends from each walk of life. Some last forever.