I’ve had this post created in my head for weeks now, but I was always unable to get thoughts down on paper (or in WordPress, if you will) in a cohesive manner. Because of recent events, I revisited the idea of Facebook etiquette and thought I would comment on a few things I have noticed happening around me.
A decision to hit the unfriend button really tore me apart these past few weeks. While I was in Ireland I knew it was necessary to sever all ties with an ex once and for all which meant deleting everyone in Facebook who was related or in some way affiliated with him. Yes, a bit extreme, but embarking on a new chapter meant finally cutting ties to the old. And though I hemmed and hawed about it for longer than was probably necessary, I hovered over the “unfriend” button for a close acquaintance who has not only helped me heal from the hurt of my former relationship, but facilitated a relationship with the new.
Click.
It tore me apart, to be honest. I love the girl to pieces. But I also felt I needed to keep a distance, which was not possible whenever photos appeared in my feed or reminders came in like whispers in the dark (Mumford reference–that song has been stuck in my head for hours now).
Fast forward to about a week ago when I uploaded photos of my Ireland vacation. Without any kind of provocation, a fight ensued on my Facebook wall about what, God only knows.
Unfriend.
A few days later, I uploaded a Huffington Post article containing photos of an adorable little girl posed as Snow White and her beloved pit bull as her Prince Charming.
Then all kinds of hell broke loose.
I was deemed a pit bull apologizer and the breed itself was called a slew of names I won’t mention here. But… that was never the point. I like things that are pretty and cute and sparkly and furry. My Facebook posts tend to fall under one of those categories. And cute girl with pit bull? Cute AND furry.
My problem is this: regardless of how you feel on an issue (and lord knows I’m opinionated myself), I don’t think Facebook is the place to air your grievances UNLESS the topic is open for discussion. I defend our right to free speech, but I don’t think standing on a soapbox and forcing your unsolicited opinions to the public is an effective way to make your case.
I gave up eating meat in 1997. Never once would I step inside a Burger King or a McD’s with a “MEAT IS MURDER” sign pasted to my chest. Because it’s MY decision and MY belief. I understand and RESPECT that not everyone will feel the same way.
You want to have an open and productive discussion? Ask me to get a drink; I’m all ears. But do not vent your shit on my Facebook wall. Not now, not ever.
Have you ever had this happen to you? How did you respond?
For what it’s worth, I saw the battle being waged on that Pitbull post, the person causing trouble has always been one of the most pretentious pricks I ever met.
Ugh welcome to my world. When the ex and I announced our divorce I ended up unfriending pretty much everyone that had anything to do with both him and me. I kept a few people that I thought we my friends – and then months later a fight broke out on FB between a girl and me after a comment I posted. It was obvious she was “taking his side” and I was just over it. I realized that because she’d known him longer she had her own allegiances and I just couldn’t stay friends with her. It wasn’t healthy.
I’ve also been trying to decide if I should unfriend someone who constantly clogs my feed with their political agendas. It isn’t that we come from different political backgrounds. It’s that she’s SO ANGRY over anyone who thinks differently than she does. I have my own beliefs, sure, but I also believe that everyone is entitled to think what they want. And her posts are so filled with anger. It just makes me wonder if I need to see that all the time. I love her to death… and I’ve marked her so that her posts don’t show up in my feed. But I keep wondering if I should take it one step further.
So as you can see… I totally get it.
never had this happen per se. But I have posted things that I felt were innocuous and been blasted in the comments section. what really bugs me is when this particular person who is of a strong political persuasion comments under my friends posts and then I have to “apologize” for her to my friends lol
For what it’s worth, I think you are pretty and cute and sparkly (but not furry)!!!
For people I can’t bear to unfriend (because then FB so helpfully says later “do you know ThisPerson? Friend them!” ugh), I find the “block” button to be oh so helpful, especially for all those people in HS who inexplicably can’t bear the thought of not being my friend now, *cough* years post-graduation, even though we were, at best, acquaintances back in the day. No, I don’t want to see photos every single day of your rug rats or of your boyfriend of the month or read about your latest baby mama drama. *Block*!
(And don’t feel bad about purging the friend list. Everyone needs it. Time to break free! :D)
I saw that post too and the comment that person made. Sometimes you just have to unfriend. It hurts but it just needs to be done. I swear some people just live to pick fights on Facebook. I see it all of the time. Those are the people that I don’t want in my life. I don’t expect everyone to agree with my beliefs and opinions but I do expect my friends to respect me enough not to cause a Facebook argument about something I posted. If they don’t respect me then it is time to unfriend.
How do they become our friends? Isn’t that odd? xo
I agree with your feelings here. Whenever I find there’s drama going on on FB, the thing that always brings me back to earth is “it’s fuckin’ FACEBOOK.” I’m not 15, and I don’t deal with people who act like they are. If we’re brave enough to write/attack/incite, then we also need to be aware that it’ll potentially cost friendships. I also have zero problems deleting people. Most of the time, they don’t even notice. Which tells you a lot about the quality and importance of “friendships” on FB.
I think this all has a lot to do with why Facebook has peaked and is making its slow exit into obscurity. Within two years, I don’t think anyone will be using it anymore.
I’ve taken to blocking certain people so that I don’t/can’t see anything involving them. That way I can remain friends with others who associate with them, but they can’t see me and I can’t see them.
That said, I had a falling out with a friend a couple of years ago. She unfriended me in the process. The falling out necessitated me keeping my distance, but wasn’t something I would have unfriended her over. We recently mended fences and the other night, she had to somewhat sheepishly ask to refriend me again.
Wow! Your peeps need to learn the adage “We agree to disagree” without the condemnation and judgement. As we get older, we realize those friends – albeit friends for decades – who are negative, do not have a positive impact on our lives. If you work at the issues with the friend and can come to no resolution and the friend doesn’t see the need to adjust his/her thinking/action, it may be time to what I call “weeding.” Cause friendships are like gardens…You have to get rid of the weeds.
Hang in there and keep doing what you do. Thank you for an open and honest post.
THANK YOU!!
I try to avoid potentially controversial topics for the sheer fact I have ZERO interest in drama or BS. I won’t get into politics for that very reason. Too heated and ruins too many friendships.
What really pisses me off though are the ones who are too easily offended for their own good. We get it. You’re sensitive and think life is unfair. Whatever. Grow up, put on the big girl/big boy undies and move the [bleep] on.
Although I try to avoid unfriending people for whatever reason, eventually I will decide I’ve had enough and will unfriend. Sometimes it just gets to be too much and you have to sever ties.
I posted an answer to a question I always get about my atheism and so many people jumped on and started saying bad things about me and I’m like..ok, in my belief system, I’m not bothering you about what you believe. I leave it alone and let you be the person you want to be and have the beliefs you want to believe in. I just don’t get it.! People are so narcissistic..
Visiting from #sitssharefest
Keep it Touched,
KG
http://www.kgstyleblogs.com
Yes, this has happened to me. It’s annoying and I often feel nervous when I have to unfriend someone because you never know how they’ll feel. Now when nonsense happens I make a point to say if you don’t like it don’t comment. May sound harsh but I don’t need the drama on my page.
This doesn’t happen to me often and actually hasn’t happened in a very long time but I’ve definitely jumped in to defend a friend or two. Believe me, I see posts on FB all the time that make me SO mad and get me really bent but I agree with you – FB isn’t the place and just because someone feels the need to state their offensive, judgmental and/or ignorant beliefs out in the open doesn’t mean I need to engage.
I’m too smart to be baited & if I want to have an intelligent conversation about important or controversial subjects, I know better than to reach out on Facebook.
Like Liz, I’m a blocker. All it may take is one really ignorant comment or post and BLOCK, I’m done.
LittleBirdBlogs
After we lost our daughter, I made a huge, overdue purge of Facebook friends. I had way too many acquaintances on my feed, and far too many relative strangers offering condolences. I decided that I just didn’t want all of those people knowing my business. I completely agree with you-FB is not a soapbox. If people are too preachy or political, I hide them or they’re deleted. I’m too old for that nonsense!
Well, you know that I’m dealing with something similar. But I think people are too eager to blurt stuff out they would never say because they can hide behind a computer screen. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and beliefs and a picture doesn’t mean you plan on breeding pit bulls to take over the world. Folks are dramatic just to be dramatic.
It’s funny how FB statuses now define personal relationships – friend vs. unfriend, single vs. in a relationship, etc. I don’t take those things to heart. If i have a strongly unwelcomed opinonated person or negative “friend” on FB, I just hide them. Life is too short for negativity and drama, especially on FB. What really matters are the actual connections I have offline.
I will always be grateful for the way facebook keeps me up to date with old connections, and gives some of my lost connections a way to find me again. That said, I’m trying to replace my likes and fb comments to friends with more private conversations. For all of these reasons…