Recently I found myself discussing the quintessential differences between men and women with Scott of Synergy for Singles (a wonderful group; find them on Facebook!). I was trying to think of a topic that would appeal to both sexes but obviously told from the female perspective. I’ve had the idea for this post in my head for a while now and I thought this might be the perfect time to write it. Thanks to Scott for the inspiration and hope you enjoy the read!
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Over the summer one of my besties and I mapped out Phish’s tour schedule, loaded up her new car (which she had dubbed Mable the Enabler), and we followed our favorite band, making stops in Connecticut, upstate NY, and Maryland, and venturing as far as Wisconsin and Indiana. When it was just the two of us we never encountered any problems meeting men. Then again if you’ve ever been to a Phish show, you know it’s a giant sausage fest. And finding nice single boys is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel.
It wasn’t until Halloween weekend in Atlantic City that we found ourselves facing our biggest dilemma as single gals on tour: while surrounded by our male friends, we were incapable of meeting the boys we had our eyes on. It became a running joke for us and that weekend will forever live on as Cockblock 2010.
I’d like to interject here for just a moment because it occurred to me while writing this thought-provoking piece that I didn’t know what to call the female equivalent of the almighty cockblock. Because, believe it or not, sometimes men get in the way of our game, too. I was going to lament on this male-driven society we live in and I even spent several hours trying to come up with creative names (muff snuff was one suggestion I was particularly proud of), but a bit of Internet research led me to the discovery I was hoping for. According to Urban Dictionary, the proper term for effectively blocking a woman’s bits is known as a muff cuff. That works, right?
So, there we were at Boardwalk Hall surrounded by our wonderful friends (if you are reading this, understand it’s all in the name of effective journalism). Together they formed a united front. A makeshift chastity belt, if you will. How were we supposed to meet all these adorable phishheads with a circle of men around us? I have also learned the hard way (that’s what she said) that sex eyes do not penetrate a muff cuff.
This happened again a few weeks ago when I went to see Trey Anastasio at Terminal 5 with some friends from college and assorted guys I’ve met while on Phish tour (unfortunately, my friend was out of town and couldn’t make it to that one). Out of a group of six, three are married, one is engaged, and two are single but brotherly types. Going out with the lot of them, while incredibly fun, is not improving my odds of meeting a single male. Ordinarily, I could care less about shacking up while I’m out on the town. But when I’m at a show, I love to shake it and it would be nice to find someone I can share that music connection with.
I’ve realized that it just won’t happen unless I break away and take some bathroom breaks. Or offer up a round of drinks and head to the bar solo.
I’d be curious to know if this has happened with other females in my demographic trying to get their swerve on. Have you ever been muff cuffed? And to the fellas: are you guilty of this attack on single women? You owe me a drink if you are.
This is hilarious! I love the term muff-cuffed! This used to happen to me all of the time back in the day. I mostly hung around guys and of course they were over protective so I never got any guy action unless one of them tried to take a “stab” at it, which never worked.
I ran into this problem SO MUCH all throughout college. One of my best friends is a guy. There has never been any romantic involvement there…he’s like my brother. But we used to hang out all the time and it was impossible to meet anyone for BOTH of us.
Great post, lady! It brought back some funny memories. 🙂
Okay, that is seriously funny. Muff cuff??? HA!!
Reminds of me of early college…my 2 best friends were guys.
This is hysterical! All of my friends are married with children, so I’m rarely in the presence of anyone from whom I’d be inadvertently protected from, if that makes sense 🙂
I like that term! haha
I’ve definitely found that to be true when out with my guy friends. People just assume I’m with one of them! I’ve definitely gone to the bar by myself to spend some time away.
Phish shows are SUCH sausage fests, and the major bonus is that the women’s bathrooms are almost always free! hahah
I can’t wait til they release the midwest dates! We HAVE to plan on doing at least one together. We’re likely down for the Chicago/Alpine one (I heard Alpine isn’t happening), Deer Creek, Cincy, and that whole general area.
Absolutely hilarious! I have never heard that but it’s SO true, men are totally guilty of the same thing!
Hey love! Sorry, I’ve been out of the loop.
Yes! Yes! This totally happens-the muff cuff. I’ve noticed when I am with a group no one approaches me but if I leave the group and head off to the bar men will talk to me.
It happens every time. I read in a dating book that men don’t like to approach a female with a group of women. Not sure why or why not but it seems to be the case.
I REALLY appreciate that you went through the trouble of finding the female version of cock-blocking because I have always wondered. This happened to me while Neal was in Kuwait a couple of years ago. I went out to dinner and a bar with this guy that I knew in college. We had been good friends, I had dated his roommate. He came into town with another buddy of his and the 3 of us went to the horse races, and then dinner at a pizza place, and then out to the bar. It was at this point when he turned to me and said, “I think we’re going to break off from here and head down to another bar.” I was crushed. I thought he had come into town to see me, not to get laid. I mean, if his intent all along was to get muffed, he should have been up front with that…but he wasn’t. He just sent me on my way right when I thought we were having a great time. I was muff cuffing him. I don’t actually talk to him anymore. Actually, I think I went home and unfriended him on FB. This is not to say that men should be criticized for wanting to avoid a muff cuffing but more about how happy I am to have a word for what I apparently did to him that night. He’s still a douche though.
I am SO using this term! I’m part of a civic/social group here that has a men’s club and a women’s club. I love the guys and a few of them are falling well into the brotherly category. BUT. There’s not a chance of even talking to a guy outside of the group when they’re around.
oh god, this post made me laugh out loud so many times! it’s so hilarious and awesome and TRUE! i’ve often wondered what the female equivalent to a cock block was called. i used to just claim a cock block for myself, in the way that women also tell men “suck my balls.” but this is so much better. it was incredibly difficult to meet guys out when i was with guy friends. one of them was super sweet though and would act slightly gay if he knew i was on the hunt. the sign of a true friend right there!
ps – i love the “that’s what she said” joke! 🙂
Oh my gosh that is way too funny. I’ve never really had it happen to me but I can see where it’d be frustrating.
being from a completely different demographic, I can’t provide any helpful info, but awesome post – I learned a lot of new terminology 😀
Okay, I actually don’t have any guy friends, so I haven’t really experienced this; however I do have a few female friends who do this! It’s terrible!
Really funny post!
I think any big group–whether of men or women–can be intimidating for a guy when he wants to approach you. I think I’d be intimidated if the situation were reversed!
This happens to me all the time…it’s the price I pay for having mostly male friends and it’s annoying. This is exactly why I’ve been trying to make more girl friends and have more girl nights out. It’s been somewhat effective, now I just have to find the single men on these nights 😛 I love this post!
I’ve never had this happen!
I never heard that term. But i think your suggestion of muff snuff deserves it’s own slot in urban dictionary. truthfully, I don’t think i ever had this happen to me when i was single because i was always hooking up with my guy friends. hee hee
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muff cuff?
cock block?
Oh
My
god
I am so old.