I evacuated my apartment in Hoboken, NJ, this past weekend and traveled upstate to spend some time with the family. Unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed back to my place until Monday morning but thankfully the streets were cleared by then, save for some floating debris. Apparently we made the news as Irene had her way with the mile-square city. I hope those of you on the east coast were spared flooded basements and power outages and my thoughts and prayers go out to those who lost so much more.
Before this all transpired, I was chatting with fist-bumper (how ’bout we call him Casey?) who suggested we get together over the weekend but a forced evacuation meant this couldn’t happen. In hindsight, it’s probably for the best. But let me rewind and fill you in on a few things:
About two weeks ago, after a trip to the beach with a girlfriend, I invited Casey to stop by. Since I’m still not drinking and the idea of going to bars doesn’t much appeal to me, I thought this might give us a chance to get to know each other a bit better and would alleviate his need to invite other friends along. He came by with a case of beer and wrapped his arms around me warmly. He complimented my apartment and I gave him the royal tour (since it’s the size of a shoebox, it was a short one).
I invited him to sit next to me on the couch and we chit-chatted for a bit. For the life of me I can’t remember what we talked about. I was insanely nervous and kept fidgeting and refilling an already full cup of water. Eventually I was able to calm down enough to cozy myself next to him.
He asked if I heard any of the Phish shows from Chicago and I confessed I didn’t know the first thing about downloading free tunes from Bit Torrent. He smiled and said he’d be happy to take a look, and before I knew it, he installed and cleaned things I didn’t need on my computer, and said we could spend a rainy day Saturday transferring some of my important files to an external hard drive.
But who cares about any of this?
After a few awkward smiles and nervous glances, he leaned in to kiss me. I moved in closer until we found a more comfortable position on the sofa. Suddenly, he was on top of me, kissing my neck softly. His hands roamed but I didn’t protest until it dawned on me that sleeping together was the only possible outcome for our evening and I put the brakes on. How did I know this? Because he had said this:
“This is awkward, and I’m not even sure I should bring this up yet… It’s just that I’m not looking for anything serious.” Then he confessed that he didn’t think it would be strange for us to sleep together.
I appreciated his honesty and told him I understood… I mean, I don’t even know what I’m looking for, but the idea that he essentially told me he just wants to have sex made me reluctant to take things any further. Another guy who just wants a convenient booty call.
Why is it the ones I’m attracted to don’t really care to get to know me? I feel foolish for even thinking he was remotely interested when all he wanted was to get in my pants the whole time. And though the urge to take things further is tempting because I like him, I can’t help but wonder what happens next. Another notch in the belt and number stored for a horny rainy day?
Ugh. I think I’m through with the whole lot of them.
It sounds like you made the right choice by not letting it progress further. I feel angry at him for spending the day with you but yet also relieved that he was honest and let you know where his head was at so you could make the appropriate decision for yourself.
Ooph. As an outsider, reading your posts, it sounds like you are looking for some kind of stability and a constant in your life, and despite the urge to progress further with him – I say to hell with it! You’re SO SO much more then just a booty call. And if anyone ever even slightly makes you feel that way, then its not worth the time. (unless you also want that, of course!)
Someday soon, you’ll be posting your very own love story to inspire us all. I just know it. xx and lots of hugs!
Sometimes marriages start with a one night stand! If you like him, go for it, who cares how many notches on whoever’s belt… It’s easier to turn a sexual relationship into a long term connection, than to try and get a commitment from day one. I kept telling my now husband for about six months or longer that all I needed and wanted was just a short term fling, yet somehow we got over it and took it to the next level. It happens. Maybe we should all be more like guys – never turn down a good honest shag offer :-). Good luck, and keep blogging, I live reading about your adventures and have never before followed a blog as much. You’re a great writer!
Booty calls are nice and a good boost of confidence for a while…but then you start to think “I’m worth more than this”. I’ve hit the same point as you. I want someone to get to know me and maybe even actually take it further and care about the me they get to know. You deserve this, you are a beautiful, vibrant, wonderful woman and any man should be so lucky to get to know you! Good for you on not settling when you know you want more 🙂 The song by Sugarland keeps playing in my head these days “I”m not settlin for just gettin by, I’ve had enough so-so for the rest of my life, tired of shootin too low, so raise the bar high, I aint settling for anything less than everything” And I must add I am happy to hear you made it through Irene okay, I’d been thinking about you and wondering if you were safe.
Wow, what a bummer! But it is good that he at least told you.
I totally get why you are so frustrated by it all!
I’m sorry honey. I am proud of you for drawing the line in the sand and letting him know where you stand. (A roll in the hay is fine if that is what you are looking for, but it has been sounding like you are ready for something serious.)
I really was skeptical of this one not taking you out on a romantic date from the beginning, but I was hoping he might prove himself. Maybe in our younger years the notion of untangling one another is a bit more feasible (because who isn’t tangled in their formative years), but in our late twenties/thirties the bar has been raised. You will be surprised what happens when you start asking the universe, and the men in your orbit, for MORE and BETTER. I promise. xoxox.
Men are so cunning. They do all the things women expect from a nice guy, in an effort to reel us in for the kill. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better and better will come. They say we have a lot of frogs to kiss before we find the right guy but they forgot to mention that it’s the entire swamp of frogs we have to get past!! (hugs)
I’m just glad you’re ok! Screw boys!
Sounds like we make a good choice,but Ive hit the same point as you. I want someone to get to know me and maybe even actually take it further and care about the me they get to know. hope we deserve better..
Oh that sucks. I remember feeling the same way for a time when i was single. Like, “how come all of the guys i meet just want o fk me?” Don’t give up.
by the way, I’m glad your apartment’s ok and that Hoboken is back to normal. I was wondering how things were over there. We were SO lucky – never lost power. I have several friends who still don’t have power at home. ugh
Ugh, really? Guys are ridiculous. However, knowing him, he’d probably want to invite his friends over to watch you two get it on. Maybe it’s better this way?
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Oh, I know, lady. I know. I’m trying to braven myself up enough to write the post I’ve been wanting to write for a month about the man in my life—er, recently OUT of my life. It’s so damn hard to feel eternally hopeful, isn’t it? But maybe that’s the point. Maybe we are meant to have highs and lows of hope. After all, nothing can be an absolute all the time, right?
Well, how are you supposed to find out unless you give them a chance. Look, you’re not attracted to or want a relationship from every guy you get to know so you have to give others the same opp to decide. AT LEAST he was honest with you. He could have led you on which is so much worse.
I once had a guy that I had the hugest crush on tell me the same thing after we’d been dating for awhile. I was devastated and he got married a year later. So I guess it was me 😉 I saw him a couple of months ago with his wife and son, just maybe a year older than Sebastian but not nearly as cute 😉
Pls don’t take it so hard. It sucks but it’s all part of the process. Enjoy the highs and the lows and the rushes and the butterflies bc before you know it, it will all be a thing of the past.
Yikes. At least he admitted it so you know not to waste your time!
Have a good Labor Day!
I guess the good thing is you got out of it before things got crazy. I really don’t know what it is with guys. it’s not you but you are amazing for sticking by your guns(so to speak).
I’m convinced that 99% of the good ones are taken.
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but the water’s looking mighty polluted.