After much debate, I finally bit the bullet and logged in to Match.com with the same user name and password I created more than seven years ago. Obviously much has changed since the last time I was on the market and my present criteria is not what it used to be. I had to update my search requirements from 21 to 27 to include men ranging in age from 26 to 40. This invites a different kind of man to the table, which I’ll get to later, but I feel good about those numbers.
I had to tweak the copy in my profile because I couldn’t believe how immature I sounded back then (though I’m not sure my groupie status makes me sound wise beyond my years either). I looked at the photographs I had once used to lure men in, remembering fondly when they were taken. My eyes revealed a youthful innocence; my smile confirmed that it was much too soon to feel jaded. I didn’t have a care in the world back then.
That was all before the great heartache.
It’ll be a bit different this time around, but I’m ready. And it’s been fun to receive some encouraging emails and winks. I can do this.
A few things I have noticed so far:
- Much as in real life, guys pay absolutely no attention to the details. If I say I’m looking for someone between the ages of 26 to 40, why do I have so many 45-year-olds and up winking and emailing me?
- I hate it when a guy winks but doesn’t follow up with an email. You’re essentially asking me to do the work (which Emily touched on in her guest post last week). Either you stare at a blank screen and try to come up with something clever or you force me to do it. I’d prefer you to make the effort.
- Some guys on Match.com seem very hostile right off the bat. I get it. You’ve been burned or a girl stood you up or she didn’t return an email or whatever. That sucks. But the whole “bitter-party-of-one” approach might not be doing you any favors in the dating world. Just sayin’.
So far, I’m pleased with my experience though I have yet to meet anyone in person. There is one guy who emailed me and he sounds perfect for me in his profile. He opened his email with the lyrics to a Phish song, told me he loves dogs, is as passionate for the environment as I am…but he has an older son and I don’t think I can handle that kind of complication in my life right now. That may sound incredibly selfish, but it’s true.
I’ve noticed that bumping up the ages of the people I’m searching for means a lot more of them will be divorced, separated, or with kids. I didn’t have to worry about this seven years ago when I was just a young, naive 24-year-old with a hopeful outlook on the dating scene.
The stakes may have changed, but I am still going to approach this whole internet dating thing with wide-eyed optimism. Because what do I have to lose, right?
I hope you meet some nice gentlemen, and have fun.
.-= Jean Has Been Shopping´s last blog ..The Best Gingerbread Cookies =-.
It’s a boy mrs. walker …it’s a boy. It’s a boy mrs. walker it’s a boy….a son! a son! a son!
Good for you, Charlotte!! I feel like taking that first leap—just signing up and signing on—seriously is the hardest part. I’m very, very intrigued to hear how things go!!
And I owe you an e-mail—-I’m on it! 🙂
.-= Hannah´s last blog ..“I see you” =-.
Good for you! I am glad that you went back to match.com. You will find your perfect match soon enough!
.-= Jayme (The Random Blogette)´s last blog ..The Great Mashed Potato Incident of 2010 =-.
I don’t think I’ve ever once understood your comments, but I love it when you stop by, Marc 😉
I agree with how many of them seem so hostile or extremely jaded/pathetic. I couldn’t believe how many guys around my area used the word “lonely” in their usernames…automatic delete on those ones. Then there were the ones that instead of describing themselves would rant about how they’d been wronged….definately not the way to win much positive attention. I will say keep an open mind when it comes to them having kids…I took on being a step mom at the age of 18 and before I had my Lily. It is a daunting task but also very rewarding, it gives you a chance to make a difference in a young life. I wish you luck!!
.-= Bonda84´s last blog ..It’s Beginning to Feel A Lot Like Christmas =-.
It really is ridic how many older men email regardless of your preferences. I just ignored them or immediately put no thanks so they wouldn’t come back.
I’m glad you’re doing this again and I hope it works out at the very least to get you back out there again. If I have any advice though it’s to give the ones with clear baggage (ie kids) a chance, it’s the hidden baggage you should be worrisome of.
.-= Hutch´s last blog ..Who Am I =-.
Good for you. I’m glad you did this.
And it doesn’t make you selfish that you don’t want to get involved with someone who has kids. It would be selfish of you to get involved with him knowing you didn’t want to deal with the kids…or that you aren’t emotionally ready to handle that situation. You are being honest…which is always the best policy!
.-= Shana´s last blog ..On the second day of Christmas… =-.
This was interesting to read (again) the woman’s perspective on sites like Match.com. I was using Match for around 3 years, which amounts to 3 years of frustration dealing with the constant wave of women with nothing to say or meeting women on Match that are “happy being single (THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!)” Perhaps I can get back on Match but try at least to be a little more upbeat?
Oh, match.com! That sounds fun. I think men in that age range are a little more adult but that may also mean they have “stuff”. I think you have a great attitude about it. So, it sounds like the making of a good adventure. LOL. I hate when people wink without an email to follow it!! Come ON.
Anywho, I will be living through you as I am bound to my books these days.
.-= keishua´s last blog ..Quotes for Monday =-.
I really enjoy reading your perspective. I cannot claim to know this world, but i sure like reading about your insights on it!
.-= sara@domesticallychallenged´s last blog ..Domestically Challenged- Pah! =-.
Well think of it as an adventure, right.
Although, you probably don’t have too worry too much, I suspect not much has changed: men are still as stupid and clued out now as they were when you were 24. 🙂
.-= Sandra´s last blog ..This is the post where I will say the word vagina alot =-.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you on my end! I am excited for you.
This probably goes without saying but I would proceed cautiously with the ones who can’t be bothered to do the work upfront. This is probably a good indication of how much work they won’t be doing later.
.-= (Florida) Girl with a New Life´s last blog ..Little Things I Love for Xmas =-.
I bet you meet someone amazing, like in you’ve got mail!
Thanks for letting me know about the spam issue. I’m glad you’re still coming! 🙂
.-= Blond Duck´s last blog ..The Christmas Ballerina 4 =-.
I hope you find someone amazing that can understand you and be your {almost} better half!
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..The Giant Baby =-.
LOVE your optimism! My sister in law has been single since her divorce nearly 13 years ago. While I get that she’s lonely and would like to share her life with another, her cynicism and bitterness are nasty traits. Stay positive love; it’s a very attractive quality:)
.-= amy d´s last blog ..NOLA Therapy =-.
Isn’t is crazy how we mature without even realizing it? We look back and can’t believe some of the things we did or said.
I wish you the best of luck! I know a couple that met on Match and has been happily, really happily, married for 5 years, and another couple who just got engaged!
.-= Jean@MommyToTwoBoys´s last blog ..Random Thoughts Special Needs Blog Hop =-.
Well, I admire you are giving it another go. Yep, by upping the age you will get lots of kids. I can vouch that teenage boys are really pretty easy though, except when you show up at their school after hours and can’t find them so you ask a passing girl if she knows if they have left the school yet and then finally the principal walks up and pages them —— but when the teenage boy finds out that you TALKED TO A STUDENT at his school, he will get all pissy. Because apparently that should not be done by moms. Not that I’ve had this happen yesterday.
Good luck! Stay positive and be CONFIDENT. I’m convinced that confidence attracts more men than the perfect hair or body ever will.
Ugh I hate the hostile ones! Or the ones who can’t take a hint not matter how nice you are about it. I know it’s tough, but I think online dating is a great way to get yourself back out there. Even if you don’t meet “the one” it’s still great practice!
.-= Emily´s last blog ..Wine-ing =-.
Good for you! I left the market before Internet dating but have so many friends that it totally works for.
I did Match for a while and I only had positive experiences. I met a few nice guys and though none worked out long-term, it was nice to date around for a while. I could only do it for a few months though; at some point I just felt like all the guys ended up being the same and blending into each other, ya know? Good luck though girl, I’m sure you can make it a positive experience!
.-= Stacy @ Every Little Thing´s last blog ..Sunday Snowday =-.
I think it’s so great that you got back on Match.com. My BFF keeps saying she’s not going to try again until she’s willing to put in the effort.
.-= liz´s last blog ..Now She&8217s a Whole Hand =-.