Howdy, all. Please give a very warm welcome to a friend of mine who will be guest blogging here today. Her name is Emily and she’s intelligent, funny, fabulous, sweet, and cute as a button. I could sing her praises all day long but I’ve asked her to guest post here today so you can all see how wonderful she is for yourselves. She has also been my online dating guru as of late and has been very helpful in prepping me for the world of internet matching. Please show her some love by clicking on her linky and thank you, Emily, for a fantastic guest post.
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The other day I was in the bagel place in my neighborhood on a Saturday morning and an attractive gent was on line in front of me. I smoothed out my hair, unbuttoned my jacket and gave my best, “look at me” look. He was next in line and when it was his turn to order, he did the unthinkable – he ordered two bagels. One for him and one other low fat scooped-out version that was most definitely for his significant other, who was probably waiting for him at home, all snuggled up in bed, thankful she’s not some silly single girl who has to go out in the cold morning to get a bagel for one.
Since it seems that things like this have been happening to me more and more, it’s a wonder people meet the old fashioned way anymore, meaning, in person. I tried online dating twice before, and wound up with a bunch of freaks (one guy who told me I had ugly clothes and another who drove two hours to not smile). However, I’ve been contemplating trying it again. Well actually, I am trying it again, but to no avail. You see, I try to be as open as possible to the guys that message me but seriously, if I can figure out why you’re single from one email, there is a problem. For example, half the messages I receive look like this:
“hey”
or
“how are you?”
This may seem like a harmless opener but to me it feels like a lazy attempt at starting a conversation. I don’t even get a capital letter? Another common trend I see is after a few emails with a guy, he says something to the effect of “let me know if you want to get together for a drink.” I don’t know if its insecurity, immaturity, or just stupidity, but whatever the reason is, there seems to be an epidemic of guys who can’t just man up and ask a girl out! I have to let him know? Is this his way of saving himself from possible rejection? Like if I say no, it’s not such a big deal because it’s not like he really asked me out anyway? To me this is another sign of laziness that could possibly equate to me having to do all the work if a relationship ever developed.
I know it seems like I’m being harsh, but every once in a while I’ll get a charming and witty message from a guy, we’ll exchange a few emails, and he’ll ask me out like a gentleman, and I’ll realize that there are normal men out there. Men who are mature, who want to treat a girl like a lady, and who are secure enough in themselves to take a chance.
But of course, right after I get an email from a gentleman, I’ll get an email like this:
“Hi, Nice profile. I’m a dominant married man, looking for a relationship with a passionate, sweet, nice woman. Interested?”
Where is the lower-case “hey” guy when you need him?
I’ve been experiencing the same situation but obviously with the genders reversed. I’d try to start a whole “getting to know you” conversation with a girl, typing up to a paragraph letting someone get to know what I’m all about, I get a sentence back from them. Another I noticed are a whole bunch of girls from sites like Match.com that are “happy being single” (THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?).
Either way, internet dating has seemingly shown all of us just how ugly the dating scene can get.
After ONE VERY LONG YEAR on eharmony I met my husband. I did a lot of dating the “organic” way prior to that and I can say they both suck equally. I think online dating is more fast and furious, so you get exposed to more bad prospects at a faster rate as opposed to less bad prospects more slowly. Either way–pick your poison.
.-= (Florida) Girl with a New Life´s last blog ..Lets Go Shopping- Retail Therapy =-.
If nothing else at least all of us single gals have a support group for each other. I have yet to get the married man email but have most definately gotten plenty of the “hey” ones. This is why I miss high school, you met people in person, you already knew if they were single or attached and it seemed much easier back then. *Sigh*
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Ugh, sorry but this makes me happy I’m married.
I did my fair share of internet dating in the past and did actually meet some nice guys but still, it can be hard!
.-= Krysten´s last blog ..Blog Reads =-.
I am wading through the high fires of the hell that is OkCupid, and can I just tell you how much I loved this post?!?!
I’m beginning to think it is harder to meet a man online than in real life. Or maybe I’m just suffering from a severe case of too many lower-cased e-mails…
Regardless, awesome post! 🙂
.-= Hannah´s last blog ..A writer’s life =-.
Emily,
Your post is so true of online dating. The hey and let me knows abound. I have given up on it. Not that I was really a vibrant participator. I wish the best of luck. I think there must normal mature guys both on and offline.
.-= keishua´s last blog ..Wishcasting Wednesday =-.
agh! I have to agree with Krysten up above, posts like this make me glad I don’t have to do deal with dating anymore. My best friend is a single mom and I admit that sometimes I live a little vicariously though the thrills and chills of her dates. But I also get a ring side seat to all of stupid shit that men pull. What is with all of texting today?? Can’t anyone dial the damn phone anymore and have an actual conversation. Hang in there ladies, and don’t settle for anything less than the great partner you deserve. He’s out there. 🙂
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I don’t know how you do it. I met a lot of boyfriends through work but never online. I actually met my husband at work. I wish you luck girl! I am just glad that I don’t have to deal with dating. But your perfect man is out there…he just might not be so perfect. I learned that sometimes you have to look beyond things that you don’t have on my perfect man list.
.-= Jayme (The Random Blogette)´s last blog ..Happy 1st Night of Hanukkah! =-.
OMGracious… I think we must be culling the same guys… I’ve tried the internet thing twice, the most recent a little over a year ago and I have the SAME issues! People tell me I’m not patient enough, but geesh!
.-= Sorta Southern Single Mom´s last blog ..PYHO- Broken Dreams Part V =-.
I’m glad there are some “normal” people out there, as well as the lazy/scary ones!
.-= Rachel Cotterill´s last blog ..Mince Pies =-.
I met my husband through a dating match up.
Can I tell you, I never knew there were so many available males.
oh, and the stories!!
The stories!!!!!!
.-= Alexandra´s last blog ..Friday Funny With The Mayor Of Crazy Town =-.
i’ve never tried online dating, but my friends who tried it have the most horrific stories about the freaks they’ve encountered. on the plus side, they do make for some pretty entertaining party stories later. AND, i know 5 couples who met through an online dating service and are now engaged/married. so there are plenty of successes, you just have to weed out the crazies.
great post!
It is still ideal to go into dating in the traditional way. In this way, you can totally rely on your first impression to your date. Meaning, both eye contact and gesture can help you determine the personality of the person.
.-= Cole Stan´s last blog ..5 Cool Christmas Gifts For Boys =-.
Have a good weekend! With lots of cute princes… 🙂
.-= Blond Duck´s last blog ..The Butterfly Dress 18 =-.
I always wonder how to start a conversation, never thought of asking something like mentioned above directly in the first words. Gonna try it and hope it works…
Beth
.-= Beth Owens´s last blog ..Symptoms of Ovarian Cysts =-.