I’ve discovered the hard way that healing is a process that should never be rushed. In order to appreciate the highs that life sometimes throws our way, I think it’s necessary to sit at the bottom of the barrel, to cry ugly tears, and to lose complete track of time. Maybe this explains why I feel such relief that I no longer reside in that lonely house of isolation.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve cluttered my planner with social engagements and have functioned just fine on a few hours of sleep. Well, maybe I struggle with the AM hours, but I feel it’s worth it to get out there and live it up a bit. I’m only young once, right? I didn’t turn down last-minute tickets to see the Flaming Lips on a Monday night, something that is practically unheard of in my post-college/corporate 9-5 days. I frequent rooftop bars in the city whenever possible, especially since the weather is unseasonably warm and I can bask in the sunshine. I have started to notice many very attractive males in my Bikram class, though it’s probably the last place I’d ever want to pick up a date. “Hi! Remember me? I’m the girl in the back with sweat pouring down my ears??” Yea, not so much sexy. But Bikram brings me to the crux of this post.
It is possible to heal from a breakup and I’ve decided to approach it with three very basic things in mind. The first may be considered superficial, but it’s the one I’m most excited about. Step #1: Reclaim my old body. A relationship with Jackson meant a lot of dinners out and nights spent in on the couch. After a few years together, I didn’t attend yoga as much as I used to and I desperately wanted to feel good again. At one point, I did have six-pack abs and toned arms. Granted that was a hundred years ago and maybe it was more like a four-pack, but who’s counting? The point is that the other day I stood in front of the mirror and found new muscles in my shoulders, arms, and legs that I had never seen before.
Step #1: Check.
The second step is relatively uncharted territory for me, but something I’ve wanted to get in touch with for a long time. Because I heart Elizabeth Gilbert and would love to walk in her shoes for just a day (who wouldn’t??), I’m learning to embrace the “pray” portion of Eat Pray Love. I’m not religious by any stretch of the imagination. But spiritual? Yes. The idea of sitting in an Ashram and meditating for hours on end is something I can’t wait to experience. I have been reading much more these days and have started challenging myself to go outside my comfort zone whenever possible, which is why I think I would love a retreat in the woods somewhere, away from the bright lights of the big city. Step #2: Achieve balance in all things.
Step #2: Work in progress.
The third step will take me awhile to complete because it involves matters of the heart and I’m still waiting for mine to heal. If I had to take a stab at it (bad choice of words), I’d say that I’m 80% there. There are days when I don’t think of Jackson and our time together, but every now and then I’m reminded of a moment we shared. I don’t get upset by it, and I know I have made the right decision but I also wouldn’t want to know if he’s dating someone else. Just not ready for that. But I can’t wait to fall in love again (in due time) and to feel that honeymoon phase all over again. Isn’t that the best? Step #3: Find a way to love again.
Step #3: Work in progress.
I guess one out of three ain’t bad.
So dear readers: how did you mend mind, body, and soul following a breakup?
I knew that I would be fine after the divorce, but didn’t give myself a time table. I just decided to enjoy the moments and the uniqueness that living out loud day to day can and does bring…feel free to edit my punctuation.
Sounds like you are on the right track!!
Thanks, Michelle!
After I got out of a 4 year relationship I had a good two week span of crazy nights of drinking and staying out all night eating junk. Then it hit me, wouldn’t it feel great to me (for some reason) to see my ex and look as hot as I did when he met me?!?! So I started working out again, eating better and feeling great! And a few years later along came the man of my dreams. Everything works out in the end!
I guess firstly I know that I am going to be OK after breaking up – no matter how hard it is at the time.
Then I make sure I have enough time to myself to grieve, but at the same time have some useful diversions in place so it’s not all doom and gloom. Walking or some other kind of exercise is good for clearing the head. Start a project (or three), have a few crushes along the way and generally make the most of being single again – as it is wonderful time to just think about ‘me’.
PS Can’t stand that book. Isn’t it funny how people either love or hate it!
thanks for stopping by my blog. How did I survive
my divorce? I gave myself permission to really feel sorry for myself for awhile, and listened to as many sad break-up songs as I could find (a lot of Billie Holiday!) somehow listening to music about broken hearts made me feel better…and time. time really does dissolve the hurt!
And thank YOU for stopping by my tiny corner of the web 🙂 Sad songs helped tremendously in the beginning stages of my breakup. Now that some time has elapsed, I’ve changed what comes on my playlist.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words. Will continue to follow your blog!
I’ve found that to be very true. I haven’t started her follow-up book “Committed” yet, have you? Or have you given up on her altogether??
After the end of my 17 year relationship I went buck wild! I wanted to have what I termed The Year Of The Ho but that only lasted about eight weeks lol. I am a good girl at heart. lol
I took last year to just feel whatever I was feeling. Some days I was ok, other days I was either angry or sad. But no matter what I let myself feel it.
This year is all about me and my wants and my needs. I am back in school and feeling better about my future. I am not even thinking about dating right now but I am sure that will come when later.
If you like I can shoot you post from my old blogger blog. Because girl, you are so not alone in this and they can give you a giggle or two 🙂
17 years!!! Did I read that correctly? Omg, that’s a LONG time! After that much time (or even 7 years) it’s hard to remember what we’re like at the core. I think that’s the stage I’m currently going through–I just long to get in touch with the person I was before the ex. It sounds so simple and yet it’s a convoluted journey of self-discovery. But I’m loving life right now so this breakup shows me that I clearly did SOMETHING right 🙂 I would love to read from your old blog! Please send me the link–it’s nice to know I can share these feelings with such thoughtful people over the internet.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Tex!
Just saw your note re Elizabeth Gilbert – I think I have given up. I know so many people like her, but I just felt like throwing the book against the wall many many times! She was just too self-obsessed. For someone to go to India and moan about not reaching enlightenment while the outside world does not touch her was too much for me. How can you go to India and it not affect you? Surely that is impossible.
Mind you, things did improve in the Bali section – perhaps there is hope for her!
Ok, so I’m so implementing some of these into my daily life. I have to agree that sometimes crying “ugly tears” is necessary, even though I’m an ugly crier. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog from the Tea Party. I always love those!
Holla!