A year ago I paced nervously in my apartment and wondered if my hair would behave, what in the hell I was going to wear on my first date in months, and why on Earth I was putting myself out there yet again when I had spent a solid two years kissing frogs. I had completely lost interest in dating the opposite sex, but this one seemed different. Over the phone, his voice was reassuring and calm. We shared a few interests in common so I knew we would have at least some things to discuss.
I was grateful I wasn’t wearing an eye patch. Earlier that evening I had a follow up appointment with a retina specialist for emergency eye surgery I had about a month prior. I was overly concerned they would find another small hole and operate and that I would have to show up on the date looking like a pirate. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. Can you imagine?
Without getting overly sentimental, it was the perfect first date. I allowed the rum and coke to calm my nerves and I engaged, made eye contact, asked and answered questions, and smiled. Genuinely. It was incredibly easy to talk to Bryan and it was refreshing to know it was possible to go on a normal date again. Nice guys do exist. It was like finding a leprechaun in a haystack.
It’s hard to believe that night was almost a year ago. I’ve learned a thing or two in the last year of dating and I thought I might share those things here, if I may.
- Life isn’t always easy and you have to learn to roll with the punches. This was a big year of change for us both. Together we have attended wakes and weddings; we’ve welcomed babies and said goodbye to loved ones. We have had big fights and nights without speaking, but they’ve taught us how to communicate more effectively. Having arguments isn’t a bad thing; forgetting what’s important is.
- Don’t be afraid to speak up. I remember how petrified I was to invite Bryan to Thanksgiving last year because I was certain he would think I was crazy for asking him so soon. We had only been dating a few short weeks but I wanted him there and my family was dying to meet him. He barely flinched when I mentioned the idea and I was grateful to have him at the dinner table so someone else could take the heat about being a vegetarian on Turkey Day.
- Make time for each other. Bryan and I have opposite schedules and seeing each other requires quite a bit of effort sometimes. Weekends are when we see each other, and I’ve learned it’s okay to say no to some obligations so we can enjoy this time together.
- Go to sleep angry. I can’t remember where I picked up this piece of advice, but it’s one of the most important things I’ve learned this year. There’s no point in talking in circles and arguing louder to make your point. But there is a sense of maturity that comes with walking away from an argument and giving yourself enough time to process your emotions.
Bryan, on the eve of our anniversary, I just wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for the things that you do. This list is by no means comprehensive, but I don’t want you to think your efforts go unnoticed.
Thank you for washing the dishes because you know how much I hate doing them. For killing massive waterbugs in the apartment while I uselessly shriek like a hyena in the background. Thank you for making the bed every morning and for taking my heavy sheets and towels home with you to wash them so I don’t have to pay an arm and a leg to have them laundered. Thanks for telling me how beautiful you think I am when I feel like a bag of garbage. For telling me to breathe when I experience panic and for listening to me when I tell you about some of my greatest fears.
Though I’m not crazy about the fact that my bestie always seems to take your side when we disagree, I love that you have her seal of approval (she’s fiercely protective of me, you know).
Happy anniversary to my sweetest one of all. I love you. XOXO
Awwwwww! Happy Anniversary to you guys! You’re such a wonderful pair. Enjoy it! xoxoxox
What wonderful lessons you have learned through loving Bryan! Thank you for sharing this today. I am a total sap so tears have welled in my eyes.
I am so happy for you, Charlotte. You deserve the best.
Very nice Charlotte, I love that he launders the sheets, if he puts the sheets back on the bed never let him go…that’s a keeper. I’m so glad I’m not alone in going to bed angry. I never understood why people think going in circles is beneficial. Take a breath, take a nap and gain a new perspective. Enjoy your anniversary, hopefully the sheets are nice and clean.
http://katstheory.blogspot.com/2012/10/on-soapbox-this-is-heath-care.html
I like that you ladies feel that way about going to bed angry. I subscribe to that opinion as well, though most people in my life (both friends and family) have always pushed the “never go to bed angry” philosophy on me. Walking away for a short time to let things calm down in my head is often just what I need, provided I come back and talk about the issue afterwards.
Very happy for you guys to have found each other!
awwww happy anniversary you two! He really is your perfect match. Enjoy your weekend together!
Charlotte, I can’t even tell you how happy I am for you. After reading your blog for so long I am thrilled that you found someone that you can write a post like this about. Remember, don’t sweat the small stuff, it’ll come together in the end.
Love you lady, and congrats!
Could you guys be any more adorable?
Congratulations and what wonderful advice you share for ANY relationship. Making time, speaking up, rolling with life, all great stuff!
ohhh <3 THIS. THIS. THIS. What a beautiful year you've had and I only wish you many more full of love and happiness and growth and everything wonderful. And even if there are moments that aren't so wonderful, I hope when you reflect on them – you always find yourself back to this place of gratitude.
Happy 1 year! 🙂 And to all the many more that lie ahead! XO
*SIGH* YAY for healthy relationships!
You had me a lepruchan.
Happy anniversary. xo
Happy 1st Anniversary, Charlotte and Bryan!
You are going to have another amazing year, I just know it.
Happy anniversary you both! x
PS I think you would totally rock as a pirate 🙂
How time flies!!! Still trying to get my man interested in doing the dishes. It’s only taken me 20 years so far….
I hope you both have many many more happy anniversaries together…
Aaaaaahhh, that was beautiful!! Congrats, you two! Huuuuuge congrats!
Also, your list is brilliant and so very, very true. Bryan kicks ass for doing the dishes (I, too, hate doing the dishes and Yogi always does them; on the other hand, I vacuum all the time, and I would sooner vacuum for hours on end than wash dishes, bwah!). “Uselessly shriek like a hyena in the background” = hahahahah! GOLD.
Mwah!
XOXO
Oh! May your love blossom and grow, and all that awesome sappy stuff.
With all the negatives I’ve gone through in the last year, you’re the one thing (person) that made it all worth it! You’re my one and only Mooi! I love you and to many many more… These are the moments will be talking about / thinking back on 30+ years from now and i wouldn’t change a thing… BIG KISS MOOI (ha) oXoXoXo
Happy anniversary to you lovebirds.