I don’t mean to imply that I’m an expert in creating online profiles (not by any stretch of the imagination would I ever make such a claim) but it has come to my attention that a few men out there might need some pointers while writing theirs. I say this after going through my quick matches on OkCupid and coming across quite a few gems that I think are better left unsaid. The following statements were taken from profiles of men online wookin’ pa nub (girls, don’t all jump up at once):
“About me: I’m tall. And my balls are usually hanging out of my pants.”
“I’m really good at: listening, singing, and crying.” (This guy listed me as a favorite)
“Yea, that was me who farted.”
“The first thing people usually notice about me is probably the beard, then my social awkwardness.”
What upsets me about these statements is that everything else was in place. I actually really enjoyed going through their profiles, but found myself wincing when I came across these lines. Faces were bright and cheerful, writing was clever and sincere, books on their reading lists were impressive, music tastes were varied and interesting. For all intents and purposes, these were some stellar men and they were making some very bad first impressions.
Maybe I shouldn’t speak for all women. I mean, there could very well be a girl out there with a thing for dutch ovens and peek-a-boo privates. I dunno.
And then there are some guys who just get it right without trying too hard. This quote helped restored my faith in the opposite sex just a little bit and melted my heart a lot:
“I spend a lot of time thinking about how ready I am to get off this site and meet a super kick ass girl.”
*Swoon*
All hope is not lost.
I have a bit of a confession to make. Every now and then, I check the “Missed Connections” section of Craigslist and last week I responded to a post from a guy who quoted the motto on my environmentally friendly canvas bag. I know, I know. Craigslist is for killers and stalkers and psychopaths, but really—is it any different than meeting men on OkCupid? My date suggested we meet at a popular sushi restaurant in Hoboken and I agreed once we sent a few emails back and forth and he attached some pics. He looked normal enough and I thought that as long as we met in a crowded, public place, I would be okay.
We had a very nice time and he was a perfect gentleman. He’s a smartypants doctor (who managed to insult my profession within five minutes of meeting me, but I’m hoping this was a combination of nerves + foot-in-mouth syndrome). The date taught me one thing: I’ve been trying too hard to nab multiple boys at once. Everyone tells me it’ll happen when I least expect it so I’m just not going to look. Starting next week. I have three nights of Phish and plenty of cute boy eye candy this weekend. But next week? I’m totally swearing off men.
Finally, a few months ago, I got together with some very talented NYC dating bloggers for a promo video for Single Edition Media and you can see me (and my runaway bride eyes) briefly at the 20 second mark. This is a great resource for any of you beautiful, sexy single ladies (and men) out there so be sure to check it out!
I hope I return with some good stories after my phishcation. Enjoy the long weekend and my love to you all!
I met my husband online. So I can say with real assurance that you can’t give up. Just as I was ready to take a break and swear off men (after a year of dating online after my fiancee dumped me months before our scheduled wedding), my husband contacted me. I almost ignored him several times, put him off, but then ended up agreeing to a date. A date where I was sort of…not open. My husband was positive I was not interested in him at all (totally not true) and if I hadn’t made the move to ask him on a 2nd date, it never would have happened.
I won’t give you cliches. I’ll just say don’t give up.
“Ya, that was me who farted..” Really? Holy gawd that dude so does not deserve a date. Ever. Even if it was you , blame the dog like the rest of us do…
I swoon for you. That is all. XO
Funny just last night I was thinking I might get back on online dating and even updated my OKCupid profile (although still no pic, Sacramento is too small and with the site being free I just don’t know). Main reason is I don’t want to put everything in to this new guy and get hurt so I should give myself other options? BUT he did come along when i wasn’t even remotely looking. I understand the burnout that comes from the online dating world and I’m thinking taking time for you and recharging is a great idea!
I think a little “swearing off” or a general break from dating is always needed.
A few things:
1. I am completely koo-koo over a boy I met on OkCupid (details via email a little later!). That was an awesome suggestion on your part.
2. I am so super excited about your promo video. You look AMAZING!!
3. Sometimes you need a break, for sure. Have fun with your sexy Phishy boys!!!
I think you look cute in the video!
I understand the swearing off. Dating can be utterly exhausting, and now that the weather is nice, there are so many more fun single activities for you to do!
People SAY those things??? Idiots!
Though, at least it means that you don’t waste your time on a date with them!
“I’m really good at crying”?!?! Omg, who wouldn’t run as fas as possible in the other direction from that. oi vey.
Sadly, i think if my husband were to suddenly find himself single in this day and age, he would be the one boasting of flatulence. sigh
Um, you’re kind of awesome. That is all.
When someone asks a man why he’s still single, I’m convinced that 95% of the time, the answer can be found in his online profile.
It really is amazing what people put on their profiles isn’t it? Gah, those are definitely some DOOZIES. People do always say “that it will happen when it happens” but because I am a pretty shy unsocial girl, I had to make a real effort to make it happen.
I love that you responded to the missed connections!
I feel kind of sorry for the beard-and-social-awkwardness bloke, but the others… why would you write that?! Although perhaps it’s best to know in advance (and steer clear) if someone’s going to have their balls on display!!
I think I barfed a little in my mouth when I read the balls comment. Ugh.
I am happy to hear you are following your instincts and your heart.
Wow! If I didn’t know better, I would think that that guy who wrote, “Yes that was me who farted” was my husband. Le sigh!
I can’t wait for stories from your Phishcation!!!
Oh, how cool! You look so cute! Enjoy your Phishcation!
I don’t know, balls hanging out has me swoooooooooooning!
You’re going to love the break. Promise!
you are totally a video star!!!! Let me get this right, a doctor was trying to find love on Craigslist??? I’m totally paranoid of craigslist ever since that college student was gunned down a few weeks ago when he went to purchase a macbook 🙁 Be careful!!