Grab a cup of coffee and please welcome the very insightful Vanessa Jones of 100bestdatingsites.com over at My Pixie Blog today. She contacted me some time ago about writing a post for this blog and I’m just sorry I didn’t have the chance to upload this earlier since there is some very useful advice here for couples who may find themselves hitting a wall in their relationship. Thanks again, Vanessa! Also, please come back soon for a recap of my very awesome date last week (swoon).
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We all know that life is unpredictable and relationships are complicated. Whether it’s a personal issue or a relational problem, sometimes couples need time apart to figure things out. Taking a break doesn’t mean it’s over and taking time apart to focus on something other than each other can actually benefit your relationship as it forces you to re-energize, re-identify, re-discover, and re-acquaint.
Re-energize
When current circumstances are draining the life out of your relationship, taking a break from it can be just the thing both of you need to re-energize it. Rather than spending your time hashing out fights and disagreements, which neither of you can find a solution for, call a “time out” from the emotional toll and give your mind a mental rest from analyzing anything and everything about the other person. Take some time to focus on yourself and what makes you happy rather than always trying to make someone else happy. After taking care of yourself first, you will likely find that you again have the energy to refocus your attention and efforts on the relationship.
Re-identify
It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship and begin to identify yourself as so-and-so’s girlfriend rather than an individual. As painful as a “break” from this identity can be, being able to look at yourself as a single person rather than half of a couple can help you rediscover the talents, strengths, and characteristics that are uniquely you. Take this time to get to know yourself again by picking up an old hobby, learning something new, or spending time with friends and family. Remember, relationships work best when both people have something to bring to the table, so it’s important to keep intact the aspects of your identity that probably attracted your partner to you in the first place.
Re-discover
Taking a step back and looking at your significant other as a person rather than your boyfriend can help you to rediscover what you liked about him in the first place. When you are with someone 24/7, it’s easy to get so comfortable that you begin to mistreat, misuse, and take each other for granted. If this is the case, it’s no wonder that you both may need some time apart to learn how to appreciate and respect one another again. So, before jumping back into the relationship, take the time to look at your significant other objectively and rediscover the qualities and characteristics that make him the right person for you.
Re-acquaint
When you feel an instant connection with someone, it’s easy to begin a relationship that quickly picks up speed. You might have found that you fell hard for someone before you really even got to know too much about them. Taking a break from the relationship forces the both of you to not only spend some time getting to know yourselves, but when the time is right creates a situation where you both have to get to know each other again. Remember, you can never get to know your significant other too well, and taking the time to get reacquainted after a break will help you learn more about one another and strengthen your bond.
This guest post is contributed by Vanessa Jones, who writes on the topics of dating sites. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: vanessa.jones42@gmail.com.
My rule of thumb with the Hubs is: if we can’t come up with interesting dinner conversation then we are in need of fun time apart from one another. Ever notice how some married couples are painfully quiet sitting across from one another at restaurants? That is what I am trying to avoid. Having a rich life together and apart keeps our chemistry more vibrant.
.-= (Florida) Girl with a New Life´s last blog ..Your Advice- On Liberty =-.
oh, Charlotte, I can’t wait to hear about the date.
On the guest post-Taking a break can definitely be a good thing. In my last long term relationship we took a few of things and it really did help things.
It is so easy to get in fighting rut and lose yourself. A little time apart(wisely spent) can be put a lot of good energy back into a relationship.
@Florida girl-I’ve seen those people. That is my worst relationship nightmare. No conversation, no flirt or spark.
.-= keishua´s last blog ..Mondays Om Play List =-.
This is some damn good advice, said perfectly!
Charlotte, I’m curious to know what YOU think about her advice? 😉
.-= liz´s last blog ..Time Keeps on Ticking =-.
Great post! My husband and I took a few “breaks” when we were dating (girls weekends, boy’s only vacations) and it gave us more to talk about! Even now that I am married, I do a lot with my friends by myself. 🙂
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Merrily we Sew Along =-.
Thanks for asking, Liz 🙂
I actually really think it’s important for ALL couples to take a break every now and then, to focus on doing the things they like to do. I’m by no stretch a dating expert, but it has to be healthy to maintain separate friendships, hobbies, and interests. My parents are still together after 31 years of marriage and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that my mom goes to Europe to see her family each year for 3 to 4 weeks. It always seemed extreme to my friends growing up, but I think having that time apart really allowed them to miss each other that much more.
Just my two cents 🙂
I must be anxious to hear about the next date because I’m already back. 😉
.-= (Florida) Girl with a New Life´s last blog ..Lets Go Shopping- Bridesmaid Dresses =-.
This is a very good topic! I like the advice. I would love to see a follow-up to this, too. What do you do if you are on “the break” and realize that you don’t want to go back to that relationship? That is a scary truth and tough to handle. Would the blogger be able to focus on that too as a follow-up?
I could have probably used this info with some of my previous relations before hubby. 🙂
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..These Are the Days of My Life =-.
I think any couple that’s been together for more than a year has hit the wall at some point. These are some great tips! Thank you!
.-= Glamamom´s last blog ..GOLDEN GLOBES 2011 RED CARPET FASHIONS- OOHS & BOOS =-.
Good call, Adrienne! I’ll definitely forward that on to her 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by and for your feedback!