It sounded innocuous enough; a lavender and sage cleansing bar picked up in New Orleans by my brother and future sister-in-law. It came delicately wrapped and smelled delicious; so good, in fact, that I didn’t want to take it out of the packaging. But I deserve nice things, too, and who couldn’t use a bit of a spiritual cleansing every now and then, right?
It also felt like the kind of gift I would have received in a former life; the one I had before Mila and Covid. A life filled with social outings, friends, laughter, yoga, and spontaneity. I don’t mean to say that all of these things are gone from my life because they aren’t, but things are certainly different nowadays. I ask myself constantly, “Is it the pandemic, or is it baby?” Take this past Sunday night, for example, when we were invited out to eat with Bryan’s family. His sister was in town from Oklahoma for one more night and it was our first time ever dining indoors since the pandemic (side note; it felt very anticlimactic for me. Anyone else?? I’m not sure what I was expecting but I felt totally fine and not one ounce of weirdness at all about it).
Anyway, back to my story. Getting ready nowadays is more than a quick meal out at a restaurant within spitting distance of our house. It means getting Mila dressed in actual clothes (no shoes because seriously what is the point??), making sure she had a long afternoon nap, and that she was properly fed beforehand because the worst thing is a toddler tantrum in a public setting with other people present.
And you know what? She was fine. Great, in fact. I never have to worry but I do anyway. I guess that’s just the way things will be from here on out.
What is the point of this post? I think it’s that sometimes deeper meaning can be found in ordinary things. Like that cleansing bar. It’s a million other things—a reminder that life carries on, that there is an ebb and flow to the remarkable and unremarkable things in life. All this time alone with my thoughts has taught me to not take things for granted and to stop sweating the small stuff. This weekend I’m joining my bestie for a weekend at the lake. We’re taking Mila and a carful of snacks (I’m not sure she knows this but it’s how we travel now lol). The week following, IM GOING TO A CONCERT! Like in person with a buttload of other people present. Bryan and I rebooked our vacation to Mystic for early fall, after schools have opened and the hordes die down a bit.
And you know what? I’m really fucking excited for all of these things.