Just like that (*snaps fingers*) we have shared more than four months together (20 weeks tomorrow to be exact but who’s counting). My sweet little pumpkin, what a whirlwind it has been! It’s hard to put in words all the emotions that I’ve experienced since you graced us with your presence in early April, but I’ll try because I hope to look back on this time and remember all the happy and hopeful times amidst all the crazy that is happening around us.
(There is a lot of crazy up in here).
One of the gifts we were given is a beautiful baby memory book. Don’t be upset but I very seriously thought about returning it because the task of detailing every little thing seemed daunting—your family tree, your immunizations / doctor visits, every first, etc. Each time I delicately opened its pages, I felt myself getting very overwhelmed. I showed it to your poppa recently and he suggested we work on it together. And so it’ll be our next project. For you. Because I can say this for sure—the pandemic has brought our little family together in ways I didn’t think were possible.
But it’s been hard, Mila. Recently someone shared this image online and I can’t read it without choking up at the end. Especially the part about grandparents. That’s been really hard, baby girl.
I am realizing, as much as it pains me to admit, that I have a hard time setting boundaries but I’m trying because more than anything I need to keep you safe. Is it ideal that my parents both work in healthcare and that my mom is a registered nurse in a nursing home, or that your poppa’s nieces are heading back to school soon? No. But I’m trying to strike a balance so you can have relationships with both sets of grandparents, our friends, and extended family. There are no right answers during a pandemic and the usual jitters of being a first-time parent are amplified. I just hope I’m always guided with your best interest at heart.
There have been some really happy times, too. We don’t know how long this will continue but we’ve made a promise that we’ll introduce you to the world when the world is ready. I hope there are family gatherings in your near future (you might not get the mall Santa but do you really care?). I refuse to feel guilt for all the firsts you are missing out on, even though it might mean your memory book looks a little different. I mean, who can say your first visit with your mom’s besties looked like this??
The other day while I was out grocery shopping I found the cutest plate and utensils set. I couldn’t bring myself to get it for you for the same reason I’m not ready for you to try solids—I don’t want to rush a thing. I also believe you’ll let me know when you’re ready and I promise to pay attention to your cues.
The year you were born is a strange place, but we are making the most of everything.
And we have everything we need with you.