I struggled writing this post because sometimes when I put thoughts to paper it gives them an added voice, but I’ve come to rely on this space over the years as a calming presence in my life, especially when my thoughts spiral out of control.
And if I’m being completely honest with myself, we are spiraling.
My father is having bypass surgery today (if you are the praying type, please say a little one for him). It’s a complicated surgery without the threat of coronavirus but this pandemic has started to freak me out as I imagine just one patient with the virus entering the hospital at the same time. Also my mom works in a nursing home (though she is thankfully taking time off to assist with his home care), and she’s seen her daily activities change significantly with hourly monitoring and mandatory temperature readings.
I’m exactly one month away from my due date. I can’t even go down that road of what if because of the spiraling thoughts above.
I see it at work. I’m an account manager at an influencer marketing agency and many of our clients are in the tourism and hospitality space. Events are getting canceled left and right, no one wants to gather in spaces where there are many people present. What does this mean for the future of our company and the world of influencer marketing in general (not to mention global business as a whole)? Again, can’t go down that road.
Like any new parent, Bryan and I will get by on a wing and a prayer. I mean, of course, there is a tentative birth plan and I am having a scheduled c-section, but beyond that this virus has kind of thrown us for a loop. With hospitals changing their policies daily, it’s very likely we won’t be allowed any visitors at all and I worry about poor baby’s immune system (and frankly, I don’t think enough testing has been done in prenatal research to definitively indicate whether or not this virus can have consequences for pregnant people/babies).
Yesterday I broke down in the kitchen and told Bryan this wasn’t what I was expecting and that I can’t even wrap my head around having a baby right now with everything going on. His face fell; he was crushed. He told me to put on some clothes and we went to Buy Buy Baby (likely my last outing for a while), to return some things and use our registry completion discount. He picked up a toy for baby; I grabbed a garbage pail (ever practical, even in times of pandemic lol) and it helped me to look ahead. This is something we both have wanted for so long and I know that we’ll get through it together, but sometimes anxiety convinces you otherwise.
What I do love to see, especially in times of crisis, is how people rally to come together. Like the videos from the apartment buildings in Italy, where people congregate on their balconies to sing to one another. The Facebook groups in my town with people offering to care for the sick or drop off groceries and provisions for those who need them most. The mandatory curfews, the schools and businesses shutting down globally. Major inconvenience? Totally. Necessary to stop the spread of the virus? No question.
So that’s where my head is. It’s a bit cloudy and messed up at the moment, but I hope things calm down once my father recovers and we all get used to a new normal. Also I’m here always for you if you ever want to reach out ❤️