The other day a friend told me something that completely sucker punched me in the gut, because I honest to God have no recollection of doing this, but apparently I skipped her baby shower for a Phish concert. Now, this is going back some time, but still. It hurt me so much that I could do something so insensitive. And I’m sure it’s not limited to that one moment in time, and that I have done things of questionable intent over the years, but hearing it spoken stopped me in my tracks all the same.
She went on to say that there are absolutely no hard feelings (bless her heart) and that she understood that I was simply at a different place in my life at the time.
Pregnancy is weird. Some days I love these changes to my body, and when I feel my baby girl kick, I experience overwhelming joy that I never knew was possible. And other times it is incredibly isolating, even when you have friends you can confide in. I worry that I talk about it too much, not enough, and above all else that this life change will drive a wedge in friendships I’ve had for years. I confided this to one of my dear friends yesterday via text and she confirmed that the friendships I have now may change and that it’s all normal… it’s just what happens in life.
But… I don’t want my friendships to change.
I rely on them for more than I realize, and in addition to that—I am a creature of habit. I love sushi and wine nights (admittedly those have taken a backseat over the past few months), and the camaraderie I share with my friends. I love being able to talk to my bestie at weird hours of the day to discuss the mundane and large-pressing societal issues and I often text another about Vanderpump Rules and Bachelor drama. And what about my brunch and manicure friend, my mom friend who gives me all the advice, my lunch in Denville friend, and the hilarious Australian blog friend I confide everything in? Do these friendships have to change when I’m covered in poop and vomit?
This is one of those times when I’m reminded of my word of the year which is BEND… now is as good a time as any to remember why I chose it. Sometimes there are forces at play that are not in our power to control and so we learn to bend to them, whether we like it or not.
But I’d love to hear from you—maybe you were in a similar situation in the past and friendships shifted. Walk me through it and how did it make you feel?
Stay tuned for more deep thoughts in my new pregnancy series, like, How Much Bigger Can I Possibly Get?, Why Are All these Women in Maternity Shoots Smiling?, and (my personal favorite!) Sneezing and Peeing Yourself in Public.