I don’t even know where to begin; I have been feeling very much on edge this week. I’ve had more meltdowns than I care to admit due to a mean-spirited comment about my apparent weight gain, an existential crisis, and a feeling that WE ARE LIVING ON THE MOST FUCKED PLANET EVER.
Also here’s a little bit of free advice: if you ever find yourself looking at your computer and wondering “hey, what happens if I hit this button?!” DON’T PRESS THE DAMN BUTTON. You heard it here first, but that is exactly how I accidentally deleted all of my computer files (thankfully they were recovered but in no semblance of order, so it’s been fun trying to find everything of importance).
The other day Bryan and I sat down with our accountant who told me, in no uncertain terms, that my salary is “below the poverty level” and that essentially I’ll never be able to purchase a house. Maybe he caught me on a really bad day, but after laying into me for about twenty minutes, his words finally triggered a reaction. As soon as he said “this is the point where her hopes and dreams die,” I began to cry fat, ugly, inconsolable tears.
My dream of purchasing a home and building a life with Bryan and Buster (and perhaps another foster pup or two) has been the one thing that has sustained me ever since I left corporate. I knew that solo entrepreneurship would never be an easy road and it most certainly has had its challenges, but this week I felt as though I was climbing uphill with a camel on my back. I’m sure there’s a better metaphor here (or one that even makes sense), but I hope you catch my drift. The life of a small business owner is rife with uncertainty and the one thing I needed to stay afloat—unwavering confidence and a go-get-‘em attitude—had all but left the building.
Then the sun came out and my head cleared and I had a revelation (cue cheesy music). In life there will always be naysayers and people who doubt our conviction. At the end of the day, however, it’s imperative that we use the very words that sting us to our advantage. Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, so it’s time I suck it up, pull on my granny panties*, and work even harder and focus on the positives.
*I actually wrote granny panties and then realized it should be “big girl panties” but thought it was too funny to change.
Anyway, here is some cheer that is helping to get me by lately:
- I went out with the girls and we drank and laughed our faces off last night. Keep your friends close. Always.
- Last weekend, Bryan and I went out for brunch. This is fairly unremarkable except for the fact that it was the first time I could remember in over four years that I ate in public without anxiety nudging my elbow. It was a deliriously happy moment in time for me.
- I finished reading The Widow and have moved on to The Ex and now Bryan is sleeping with one eye open.
- I’m trying to do at least 20 minutes of yoga a day, which has definitely helped my mood (plus, yoga arms).
- I woke up this morning to snow. I’m kind of over it, but I’ll never get tired of seeing the world covered in so much pretty.
PS: don’t forget to enter my Della handbag and travel bag giveaway for a chance to win an adorable travel bag and headband. Good luck!