“Welcome to the end of being alone inside your mind.”
(Credit to Brandi Carlile’s song “The Mother” for one of the truest lyrics about parenthood I’ve ever heard.)
As luck would have it, I found myself with a hot cup of coffee and time to kill on a recent Sunday morning. Those mornings are infrequent, but a rainy and gloomy Sunday kept Mila in bed a bit longer and Milo wasn’t nipping at my heels for his walk, because of the aforementioned rain and gloom.
It was just us, before the whirlwind of parenthood carried the quiet, peaceful moments away.
I think about that time a lot–the world before Mila. I can hardly believe Bryan and I recently celebrated 10 full years together. The anniversary has made me very reflective. And though I would never trade any of this for the world, I sometimes miss those deliciously slow and quiet mornings. Eighteen months is a long time to go without quiet reflection and a hot cup of Joe in the morning.
Mila is developing the sweetest, funniest little personality. I love watching her learn and grow and I have much more to say on the topic that I’m writing in a subsequent post (is it possible I’m getting my blog mojo back!?) but the bottom line is this—I think we’re doing okay. I say that because I need the reminder a lot more than I care to admit.
We just finished watching the Netflix show Maid and I found myself holding my breath each episode. I thought of Mila through it all and I wondered if I, too, would make the same decisions as a single mom. That’s the thing with parenthood, isn’t it? It makes you look at everything differently. Some thoughts are so pure (“Look at how excited she is by the breeze in her hair!”) and some thoughts are a bit morbid (“Can I do this without my partner? Can my partner do this without me?”) but all of those thoughts enter and exist in our brains for a reason.
“They’ve still got their morning paper and their coffee and their time
They still enjoy their evenings with the skeptics and their wine
Oh but all the wonders I have seen I will see a second time
From inside of the ages through your eyes.”