One of my friends recently recommended a book called Best Friends Forever by Irene S. Levine which has me all in the thinks lately. I often stop to consider the power of female friendships and how lucky I am to be surrounded by women who continue to lift and uplift, as well as the ones who have supported me along this incredible journey in life—even if only for a reason or a season. I noticed just how pervasive this theme is in the books I read and the shows and films I am drawn to. While watching season seven of Orange is the New Black, I was struck by how women from different backgrounds come together in the face of great adversity to support one another (perhaps because there is a common enemy??) and man, I will miss that show when it’s all over.
This past Friday I got together with two former coworkers for sushi and we caught up after months apart (pic above)—these are friends I’ve held on to for 10+ years, and though the three of us are just a little bit different, we click and always have the best time together. We toasted life with wine in a can on the Hudson River and shared intimate secrets like you only do with close friends. I left with a full heart (and a cloudy head because too much wine, ha!).
On Saturday, I introduced Bryan to a friend I’ve known most of my life (30+ years!) at her daughter’s first birthday party. We lost touch for a bit along the way, but gravitated towards one another through common experiences like pregnancy loss and I feel so lucky to still have her in my life.
Then there’s my bestie (another lifer!), who is vacationing but still sending me texts about minutiae (we are actually planning a mini getaway soon ourselves). And the aforementioned friend I’ve known through blogging who I’m lucky enough to have a lady date with this week; she’s a secret keeper and she can trust that I’ll be buried with hers, too.
There are countless others, but much less than I’ve had in previous years. I value the quality of these friendships in a way I can’t often express and in a way I know most other females can understand.
Inevitably there are heartaches that come with friendship, and there are some that I’ll always reel from. I don’t think that overwhelming sadness ever truly goes away when a friendship you cherished is no longer in your life, but maybe the hole that swallows you up and makes you feel incomplete gets patched up with happy memories with other friends along the way.
Who knows. Life is such a funny thing sometimes, isn’t it?
I recently thought of an old friend, my former boss, who was kind of a big deal in my life back when I was starting out at a new job. We had the same off-brand sense of humor and I looked forward to our daily chats about work, life, our shared distrust of our boss, and everything else under the sun. Our friendship started to come undone when I found out she was pregnant through a mutual friend. When I asked her about it, she said she didn’t want to tell me because she thought it would upset me (damn infertility makes you feel like a social pariah). I was crushed that she wouldn’t tell me something so monumental in her life, but I let it go because I was glad to share in her joy. When I lost my job, she stopped communicating with me entirely.
It keeps me up sometimes because I worry for her, as I do all the others I’ve lost along the way. Maybe I was just her reason and she was just my season.
Anyway, I’m all over the map today with my writing (step inside my head, y’all!). The book I’m reading has a section on movies that really get to the heart of female relationships and I realize I haven’t watched most of these (I’ve crossed out the ones I’ve seen. It’s embarrassingly light, lol). How about you? Are you familiar with these movies, and do you have some to add? One day I’ll Netflix and chill with all of them 🙂
- Beaches
- Mystic Pizza
- Steel Magnolias
- Baghdad Café
- Thelma and Louise (I KNOW! WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN THIS YET??)
- Fried Green Tomatoes
A League of Their Own- First Wives Club
- Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
- The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Sex and the City
Wine in a can… lol! Did you happen to be at Pier 13?! Love that place- hoping to introduce it to my coworkers soon! Whether for a reason or a season, I’m glad for the friendships that I’ve had along the way. I try not to focus on the ones that ended or how or why, but I’d be hurt too by that friend who stopped talking to you completely after you were no longer at the job.
I’ve seen all of those movies except Baghdad Cafe (never heard of it) and Beaches. I just saw Thelma and Louise last summer, so I wouldn’t feel too bad about it! It was also much darker than I thought it would be. How did Now and Then not make that list?!?! It’s coming to Netflix tomorrow! (Yes, I just checked!) Also, Divine Secrets and Sisterhood of Traveling Pants are already on Netflix, so I hope you get the chance to watch them soon!
This has given me all the feels too. As you know I’ve had a bumpy road with some female friendships as well. I just added this book to my to-read list because I think it would be valuable to me. I am all in my thinks and feelings too, it always happens to me in the summer somehow. Thankfully like you, I do have some ride or die friends who have stuck by me, but you always wonder about those seasonal folks and what happened too. I think it’s natural.
PSA Mystic Pizza is free on Amazon Prime right now. I just made Nate watch it the other day, ha! You’ll love it, it takes place in a coastal town!
I love this. Female friendships are so important and formative in our lives. I’ve had some great ones and some not-so-great ones but I’ve learned something from them all. I’m glad you’ve had some gal pals who have stuck by you over time. <3
You (and Beth also wrote about female friendships a little while ago) have given me a lot of food for thought lately. Friendships which are genuine and filled with honesty and consideration are the best and need to be cherished. I’ve got a friend who I’ve known since I was 5 but she lives overseas so we go years without seeing each other. Distance can suck big time and we rely on WhatsApp, FB and e-mail but it isn’t the same.
Over the years I’ve ended a few friendships and not regretted it, however I admit that I could have handled it better in some cases. Speaking up and saying something upfront – why did I feel I couldn’t do it so many times? I think that is a post in itself.
So many great movies on your list – enjoy!
That’s awful about your old boss just stopping communication with you. I’ve definitely lost friends in the past and some hurt more than others. Regardless, I have a lot of great friends in my life, and I try to focus more on them. I haven’t really seen any of those movies either – I’ve seen Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, which I enjoy. I’d also recommend the movie Now and Then!
-Lauren
I’m sure your boss/friend felt like she was trying to protect you from being hurt but yeah…not cool friend. Not cool. She should have talked it over with you so you could decide what your own comfort level was.
I’m going to be totally honest and say that I never understood the girlfriend thing until recently. I had best friends growing up but they were always fair weather friends. If I moved (when my husband was in the military) I was the only one who tried to keep in touch, my HS friends always put their boyfriends first or couldn’t handle when things go tough on my end, like when my mother died when I was in HS, so I never got it. I always had more male (platonic) friendships.
But since blogging I’ve made the most amazing friends and even though I haven’t met most of them they are ride or die – always getting in touch to make sure I’m ok, sending thoughtful cards – it’s just amazing to me. and now I get the importance of female friendships.
Really wonderful post Charlotte.
As for movies…I’ve seen:
Beaches
Mystic Pizza
Steel Magnolias
Thelma and Louise (not the whole movie but bits and pieces of it lol)
Fried Green Tomatoes (maybe??? I think I did but not 100% sure)
A League of Their Own
First Wives Club
Sex and the City
Karen @ For What It’s Worth
Female friendships are sometimes complicated, but also THE BEST. I wouldn’t know what to do without all the incredible women in my life.