“You need to get a hold of yourself.”
“I know,” I mumbled to the strap of my seatbelt as I turned to face the rolling landscape. On some days I find car rides soothing. Today was not one of those days.
“It’s just… I dunno. It makes me sad.”
There was no possible way of explaining to Bryan that being left off this particular guest list was hurtful, though I knew I had no right to be at her wedding. We hadn’t spoken in years. The strange thing is, I’m not even sure I would have wanted to attend.
So why was I taking this so hard? And why was this news suddenly worse than finding out that my ex boyfriend got married? Is it because we are no longer friends? Because she got married first?
Why did I care so much?
When I think back on our friendship, I see it through rose-colored glasses. Like that time we dragged a couch we found on the side of the road back to our apartment, rang the doorbell, and surprised our roommate in the middle of a party. Or the bike ride we took in a beautiful park in Holland. The many spontaneous Phish shows we attended over the years. Hiking. Festivals. Camping.
But then there were the many fights, the words said out of anger, salty tears, and bad decisions, like that stupid boy we both dated simultaneously.
Our “break up” was a bitter pill for me to swallow, and every now and then I have to remind myself that just because I love her dearly (always will), some friendships are simply not meant to be.
I have to get over the fact that I was left off a guest list, because more than anything I truly am happy that my old friend found a wonderful person to share the rest of her life with.
“Charlotte,” Bryan interrupted my thoughts. “She’s in a good place, you’re in a good place… what more is there?”
He smiled and took my hand.
I turned once more to look out the window. I closed my eyes and let the sunshine wash over me.
It’s a beautiful day for a car ride, I thought.