What started off innocently enough with harmless flirting quickly became a torrid whirlwind of steamy email exchanges, after work drinks with sex eyes, and casual conversations of where our first sexual encounter would take place. He had placed a spell on me. I couldn’t help but get lost in his large brown eyes and was instantly attracted to our 13 year age gap.
He was forbidden fruit and I was hungry.
All day long I would find myself fantasizing about the weight of his body on top of mine in a sweaty embrace. I wanted to wrap my legs around his lower torso and scream, writhe, kick, and orgasm. His claims reassured me that he had what it took to bring me to that happy place and I was convinced that age had granted him the experience.
One afternoon I received an email from him asking if I could spend the night the next evening. He told me we would listen to music and talk, which I assumed was code for engaging in lewd acts between the sheets until it was time to get ready for work the next morning. Naturally I agreed. The next day I rummaged through my closet and found my pink ruffle skirt, form-fitting top, and high heels, making sure each curl was perfectly in place. I practically danced into the office that day, my head in the clouds with thoughts of what the evening would bring.
Several hours later, I received an email from him. He was terribly sorry but something came up or he wasn’t over the last girlfriend, I can’t remember and I didn’t care. It wasn’t the first time he had fed me empty promises and backed out of our plans. And after months of playing therapist to him, I was fed up. I had needs, too, but my hunger for his touch was nothing compared to the size of his ego. He simply wanted the chase and was satisfied with the knowledge that he had already had me. A man in his mid 40s, and yet, not unlike the 20- and 30-year-olds I had encountered in my lifetime.
“I shaved every place where you been.”
That evening I showered and erased the image of his hands groping for my body in the night.
He never deserved the chance.
***
Please show some love to the other Insomnia Club members:
It seems like it’s all about the chase. There are immature men at any age. And you speak the truth, girl:
“He never deserved the chance.” Next . . .
Been there. Ugh.
As usual, I love this. Such a conflict within us… lust and the thrill of it all can easily push your self-worth off a cliff. Most of the time we love it in the moment, and hate ourselves for days and weeks to follow. It’s a blessing he wanted only the thrill of the chase. (love the Tori references, btw!!)
so sorry this happened, honey…his loss for sure.
I’m glad you ditched him. Conflicted men are no good at any age.
And did I say steamy? Lordy this was a read. You could write a whole book about this, lady.
Oh em gee! There is nothing worse than unfulfilled lust! Augh! How terrible!
You know, this is something I personally don’t understand. Men are supposed to be all about sex, right? I call bullshit. Maybe it’s more that they’re really all about the chase – which is *completely* effing lame. But. They certainly chase you, but there’s often no follow-through. Or, they can have sex just the one time. And they walk.
Whereas we ladies are sitting there going… “Where are you going? Can’t we bang already???” or “Where are you going? I need more sex!! Don’t leave me this way, baby!”
Ugh. I hates it.
I’d put on the skirt and heels and go dancing! SCREW him!
You! Are an awesome storyteller!! Just wanted to get that out there. That guy is a very immature and it’s sad! I actually went through something similar with someone about his age. Supe frustrating but lesson learned!
So true. He never deserved that chance!
So well written girlfriend! And you’re right- he never deserved the place in your thoughts. At all. XO
I hope you’re having a good day!
When any man starts telling you about his stellar performance capabilities and then does nothing, run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit. If he truly lusts for you and you’ve opened that door, you should be getting groped in all the most inappropriate places. Honey, if he’s not all over you in the elevator, he just isn’t going to be all that in the bedroom. This is what I know – if a woman smells right, moves right, tastes right, sounds right and has that shape that makes me crazy, she’s 80% of the way to my heart. Then, she also needs to be employed or at least employable or ambitious, she needs to be fun, interesting and interested, and most of all she just gots to adore ME and no one else – If you can do all that? I’m in the bag, bewitched, bothered and bewildered, probably for life. No lust – no bag – NEXT…….
but it would be better if everyone was honest up front and your boy clearly wasn’t – be glad he’s history.
Love IS
T.
Yowee! AWESOMELY written, my pal! And that guy can suck it.
No he never deserved the chance with you. You deserve better than that…even if it is just sex that you are wanting.
Wow, girl!
Um, yes, you’ve left me speechless. 🙂
Ugh, I’ve seen too many of those relationships and don’t miss them at all.
It just proves that age ain’t nothin’ but a number and it really does not equate to maturity or emotional intelligence!
WOW! I am so sorry girlfriend…but you are right…he didn’t deserve you! XOXO
what a turd 🙁 unrelated yet still related: I’ve had the worst insomnia lately
What a bastard! Thank goodness you got out unscathed.